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~ Chimalpahin Quauhtlehuanitzin


Sunday, December 25, 2016

The 5 types of people on social media during Yule

Happy Yule, everyone! I feel peer pressured into making a Yule themed post now.

It is December 25th, which means that social media and blogs will be flooded with Yule-related posts, although almost no one will refer to the holiday as "Yule". I think these days people call it Christmas or something. Keep the Christ out of Yule! Well, that brings me to the first type of person who will be posting on social media during Yule, the PAGANS!

1: The Pagans
"Blessed be!" says your pagan internet friend, looking up from their drinking horn full of ale. Your pagan Wiccan friend is normally really chill and has helped you on several occasions before, such as casting love spells to help you get your crush or giving you advice on what to dress up as for Samhain (Halloween), another holiday that pagans are obsessed with. This is why you keep them around on your restricted friends list on Facebook. But around Yule time they start acting more anti-Christian than usual, claiming that the worshipers of a dead Jew on a cross have stolen their sacred traditions! Normally the pagans prefer to keep to themselves, even when their Christian enemies accuse them of being devil worshipers. Around Yule time though, they can't take the abuse anymore. They spam everyone's social media feeds with memes like this:  




Yes I know some of you will be interested in reading that Bible passage. So here it is. Interpret it however you want:

"1 Hear the word which the LORD speaks to you, O house of Israel. 2 Thus says the LORD: Do not learn the way of the Gentiles; do not be dismayed at the signs of heaven, for the Gentiles are dismayed at them. 3 For the customs of the peoples are futile; for one cuts a tree from the forest, the work of the hands of the workman, with the ax. 4 They decorate it with silver and gold; they fasten it with nails and hammers so that it will not topple. 5 They are upright, like a palm tree, and they cannot speak; they must be carried, because they cannot go by themselves. Do not be afraid of them, for they cannot do evil, nor can they do any good.”


2: The Normies

These are the uncool IRL people on your friends list whom you only added because they go to your school. They post memes that you've already seen parodied a million times, tasteless selfies, and occasionally short status updates that aren't even witty, controversial or funny.  They only get passionate about ideas that are generally agreed upon anyway, such as that Donald Trump is bad and homosexuals should not be discriminated against. Normies will wish you a merry christmas, along with some Yule tree or Sinterklaas emojis. When you try to ignite a discussion on the origins of the holiday they will leave your messages at "seen". Some of the more politically correct normies will say "happy holidays", but it's never anything as interesting as the cool Yule greetings your pagan internet friends say in random Scandinavian languages. Soon you will be familiarized with every Christmas filter on Snapchat thanks to the normies. 



3: The anti-consumerism/social justice warrior/hardcore atheist population 
Then there are your hardcore political activist sort of friends. These are usually the ones that will write interesting blog entries such as this one: 


You can read the rest of the post here on Olin Tezcatlipoca's blog: http://mexicamovement.blogspot.ca/2016/12/junk-and-trash-this-white-christmas-and.html 

These people will usually discourage any Yuletide merriment for one of more of the following reasons: 

i) It is a European holiday. So if you're not European, why would you celebr8 it?
ii) It promotes consumerism! Beware! Don't fuel the white supremacist capitalist greed!
iii) It's about JESUS (at least to the Christians) so don't celebrate it if you're an atheist. Don't make Christianity be seen as the norm! 

Now it is very important that you separate the REAL social justice warriors apart from the degenerate ones, the ones that only rant on the internet and don't anything, or the ones that are just crazy conspiracy theorists in disguise. The REAL ones are really cool. They are the type you stalk all the time and that you like all the posts of but are too shy to comment on. They are the type whos names you live to see in your notifications. They are the type you will message ever so often with a "hi, how are you?" and then they will actually reply even though they're really busy (they're really nice too) and then you won't know what to say and you'll feel stupid. 

4: The Legit Christians 
I'm glad that there are less of these each year. Basically, some of these aren't so bad. They keep to themselves and write long, passionate statuses about how they want everyone to have a great time with their friends and family on Christmas. They write about how thankful they feel about all the gifts and how gr8 their Yule tree looks, which they invited lots of friends over to decorate. The normies will like their posts and think of them as such nice people. Now, the ones that kinda suck are the hardcore Christians. They are the ones who can't differentiate your pagan friends from your hardcore atheist ones and categorize them both as "Satanists." If you say "Happy Holidays" to them they will say you are waging a "war on Christmas". They start acting like the Neonazis I am about to discuss next. 

5: The Neonazis/alt-right 
These people are interesting around this time of the year because they are so divided. Half of them sympathize with the pagans. "WE WUZ VIKANGZ N SHEEIT! MAKE EUROPA PAGAN AGAIN!" they yell. They will also say that because Christmas is celebrated by Christians, that it is a jEWiSH holiday. Oh no! Not the Jooz! -_- . Some neonazis hate all Abrahamic religions so much that they think of them all as the same. The other faction of the alt-right is predominantly Kkkhristian, and will join the other Christians in saying that there is indeed a such thing as a "war on Christmas", and will use that opportunity to complain about how there are too many refugees in Sweden or something. 


Well that's all I can come up with... the 5 types of people on social media during Yule! Let me know what kind of people I have missed in the comments below. By the way, this Yule you should watch the anim8ed movie "Anastasia" with your family. It's really good. The songs are really good too. Also read a few blog posts that might be interesting:

This article is from White Wolf Pack, a really popular blog on Native American things!

A post from a blog written by a cool monarchist who will explain what this holiday has to do with monarchism! 




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