Not even in my Dreams

In the morning, the cold is numbing,
I am reminded I don't learn from my mistakes,
my heart is brimming with longing,
to give until I have nothing left to give has always been my fate,
you find me so repulsive that there is nothing for you to say,
you flinch at my touch and at the sound of my pleas you turn away,
it's like this every day,
and so I live my life waiting for the night,
hoping to be rewarded for my devotion in my dreams,
maybe I will hear you laugh,
anything is possible, it seems 
I might trade my life to see you smile,
yet just as deep as my love is my despair,
there is no enmity between us but you just don't care,
no flicker of recognition in your eyes as you pretend I'm not even there,
everyone who I love always leaves,
and you'll never be mine, not even in my dreams