Sunday, March 17, 2024
Mexihkateokwikameh
Monday, February 12, 2024
Always ask your friends if they would still be your friend if you were a worm
Saturday, December 30, 2023
2024 is gonna be my Renaissance year
In 2024 I'm going to become a Renaissance polymath. I made a bajillion new year's resolutions, but I'm actually going to do them all!!! Just u wait and see. It's going to be the worst year ever for my enemies. I won't bore you guys by posting the entire list, but I'll go over some of the main ones.
Scholarly Goals
I'm going to read 69 books and make sure the majority of them are either canonical works of literature or academic monographs. I'm also going to apply to more PhD programs outside of C*nada, since I don't want to stay here.
Language Learning
I wanna be as good at Ojibway/Anishinaabemowin as someone who took two semesters of it in university. I want to learn some very basic vocabulary in Nahuatl and Spanish (I attempted to learn both of these languages before so it will mostly be re-learning) and I also want to improve significantly in French and Hindi so I can read books in both languages without having to look up words. When it comes to Urdu, I want to be able to read/write very basic words, and at least learn the script. Learning all the basic vocabulary is probably doable with Anki, which I am finding to be a very effective language-learning tool at least for covering the basics. For the languages I am more advanced in, like French and Hindi, I will benefit more from immersing myself in media in that language rather than using language-learning tools.
Some based linguist made a helpful Anki deck for Ojibway, but I also made my own deck. Here is a trad sentence that I like:
Artsy Stuff
I want to learn knitting, crocheting and embroidery. I want to re-learn to play the flute and bansuri. I am also going to begin the preliminary research for a historical novel that I want to write. I also want to learn how to do photorealistic art in coloured pencils. Right now, I'm taking a course that helps with this. Here are some attempts I made so far. I have no doubt that I will improve soon, and then people will say that I have God-given artistic talent.
Health
Honestly, this is probably my least favourite category of goals. But it is absolutely necessary because unfortunately I have a body and I am not just some spooky formless entity like I wish to be. So I'm going to get into hiking, learn to cook 10 new healthy dishes, get into yoga, start running regularly, start lifting weights, eat more protein and start learning martial arts. Somehow. Idk. I'll try. I have prediabetes so if I don't fix my health I'm going to d!e. And then I won't be able to accomplish everything else on the list because I will be dead lmao.
Appearance
I also hate this category of goals. But unfortunately, I'm not a formless entity which means people perceive me and I have to present myself in a way that makes people take me seriously and respect me. I hate society, but I have to do this stuff: learn how to do makeup, wear more skirts and dresses so I look more trad and respectable, grow my hair and nails longer, etc.
Mental Health Stuff
I know social isolation is not mentally healthy long-term however I'm going to be doing it for one year because I think it can be helpful in the short term. I'll still talk to my family and to the very small list of people who I actually trust. But outside of that, I'm not really going to bother making friends in 2024. and definitely NOT bother with dating because that shit is extremely cringe. If I'm focusing on my goals, there will be very little craving for social interaction. Maybe if my mental health significantly improves, I could work on socialization in 2025.
Work/Volunteering
I need to figure out some kind of side hustle other than tutoring or I need to scale up my tutoring. I could probably take on more clients, idk. We'll see. Also, even though it's hard to find a job, it also appears really hard to find volunteer positions. Like bruh no one even wants me to work for them for free lmao. But right now, I'm going through the training process for becoming a writing competition shortlister so it's going to be fun if that goes through and I can judge people's writing contest submissions. I think this will provide enough fulfillment when it comes to volunteering for now. But it's a remote activity, and I would have preferred real-life volunteering. But irl stuff that matches my skillset is hard to find.
Other random goals
I need to avoid facebook and twitter because they are cringe. I like posting updates about my goals on Instagram though, especially since so many of my goals are artsy. I want to replace watching stupid self-help videos or political videos with just watching educational stuff. I like the YouTube channels Ancient Americas and Aztlan Historian, so I'll just watch those instead of cringe stuff. I also like podcasts like American History Hit and Bangii'eta Anishinaabemodaa (lets speak a little bit of Anishinaabemowin) so those are also examples of wholesome entertainment I can replace my cringe entertainment with in my downtime.
Also, I think I will learn to code lmao.
That's all I guess. Wish me luck cause imma need it.
Happy New Year fam!!! You guys should make lots of ambitious new years resolutions too.
Sunday, November 26, 2023
The Mysterious Manuscripts of Snekcoatl
I am making this post to share some unpublished poems I found in a manuscript by a previously undiscovered author. This reclusive genius once roamed a part of the earth that used to be a boring suburb in the fallen state of Canada. Their name was "Snekcoatl," which is a really weird name. This manuscript was unearthed near a high school in the suburb that has the same name as the suburb. We've found artifacts from that high school too, which has been abandoned for some 500 years since The Incident. There were plaques from the English department of the high school commemorating the genius Snekcoatl, who was apparently a prodigy. There was also apparently a rival writer named V*c. Apparently she had strong ties to Snekcoatl, though it is unclear whether the two were the best of friends or the worst of enemies.
Some other manuscripts unearthed in Tkaranto, the city that was then known as Toronto, suggest that Snekcoatl and V*c spent a brief part of their lives there. They could have been academic rivals in the academy that once stood there, competing for influence. We have some obscure and threatening letters from V*c that were sent to Snekcoatl. It appears that there was also a building at the institution named after V*c.
Snekcoatl did not get the recognition that they deserved during their lifetime. But perhaps some of these poems will help to shed some light about what life was like in "Canada" before The Fall. So I am sharing them because they could be useful to historians, and also because they do a fine job of capturing the feeling of yearning and languishing, which appear to be the two main themes.
Poems of Yearning
Snekcoatl's handwriting, though childish and messy, was not impossible for me to transcribe. The only thing that was really annoying to me as transcriber was that Snekcoatl did not attempt to give their poems respectable titles. And so the first one is simply called "Poem I wrote for a Femboy who made me lose #NoSimpSeptember (it's so over for me)." From this we can guess that the poet was unlucky in love. This one appears to be insulting the sun as a symbol of masculinity.
You must have been starving where you were,
as you hungered for beauty,
you turned to the ancient, the flowery, the romantic,
when they wanted you to see the light of reason and become a critic,
I never wanted the splendid sun,
that ball of light,
nor the urns decorated with images of heroes, warriors,
the bold speeches of leaders that conceal wicked deeds,
the bloody conquests,
I only longed for the pale moon,
She's like you in your black gowns like raven's wings,
with your love most chaotic and unreasonable
Poems of Languishing
I would like to shift the focus now to poems of languishing. Although they contain less simping, they are still a bit depressing. And they can teach us a lot about the lives of immigrants, which Snekcoatl certainly was. And about the kind of culture they were part of.
This one is called "Quetzalcoatl (devotional)." From the title, we can guess where Snekcoatl gets their pen name from. We don't know their real name, but the name Snekcoatl was certainly inspired by this Aztec deity. It also references a gathering for Indian Muslims, and so it gives us a huge clue about what Snekcoatl's culture was. The whole poem seems to reflect a desire to escape from the boring suburb where they lived, to seek love and refuge elsewhere.
Under your soft wings
Watched by your
Eyes full of love
With pupils like slits
Sheltered in your green plumes
And your endless mercy
I remember at the majilis
They said there is a world
Beautiful beyond imagination
But they must have been mistaken
About the pomegrantes and date trees
Because I am certain they must have meant
Your land of cloud forests and quagmires
The next one references Norse mythology and is called "conversing with the Fates." The language used here certainly seems conversational, I suppose. And it is natural for one living in a world with harsh winters to turn to Norse myths for references.
Oh, if there be Fates spinning my destiny,
Then we must all be at their mercy,
Sitting under Yggdrasil, those ladies,
must not know how to continue my story,
Fates! What is this?
You are cruel ladies,
and I will never understand your ways
If all you can dream up is so outrageous,
so inconsistent with the past,
How can the trajectory of my life end up like this?
I've never been more certain that there are no gods.
The last thing that I'm going to say about this poet is that they were probably young when they wrote these. I would say not far into adulthood. Their invocation of the Fates may be because their life was unfurling in a way that they never would have imagined in their childhood. And they were shocked and disappointed by this.
I will be back if I discover more manuscripts by this author.
Sunday, November 12, 2023
I'm pro-natalist but not in a cringe right wing way
Thursday, November 9, 2023
If I d!e young
Sunday, October 15, 2023
mountain trollesses and handsome knights
I am somewhat obsessed with a Swedish folk song called "Herr Mannelig." I've adored it since my childhood. There are many different performances of the song by different bands. Some are more traditional, but there's also a metal version by In Extremo. There are translations into other languages (I found an Italian version that goes hard). My favourite version is by Garmarna. It has a slow tempo, and it's easy for me to sing along even though I don't actually know Swedish.
The narrative of the folk song is pretty interesting. It's about a mountain trolless who wants Herr Mannelig to marry her. She offers him various gifts including a sword, two goats, a silk shirt, etc. He says that he would be willing if only he were a Christian woman, but because she is a pagan he rejects her.
I don't know why, but I think this song is an absolute banger lmao.
There's also an Icelandic song about another knight, Olav Liljeros (Olaf Lily Rose) who meets a mountain trolless who begs her to live with him. But when he refuses, she STABS him!!!!!! He escapes wounded but later dies. He refused her for the same reason as Herr Mannelig, because he knew she wasn't a Christian.
Bonkers stuff, and I don't know exactly how to interpret it. But I find it interesting and I also think these songs are great. I like listening to different covers of them.
Someday I really want to meet an ethnomusicologist. Maybe one who focuses on Scandinavia, or the Andean region, or Mongolia. All these places have epic music.
Saturday, October 14, 2023
Diabetic yearning greentext
Tuesday, October 10, 2023
13 things I like about myself
Sunday, September 17, 2023
feral screams
my life is so messed up right now oh my god
anyway, I'm gonna do some self-reflection rn. Basically like using my blog as a public diary.
I've been starting to improve my physical health (going to the gym, eating healthier, remembering to take my vitamins, going to sleep at a reasonable time) and working towards some non-school related goals (like learning a new language). I've also been keeping up with studying so I can get good grades, but this is something I've always been good at. During my undergrad however, I was noticing that I was neglecting everything else in my life (friendships, health, hobbies, etc.) just to get good grades. It paid off, because I'm now in a masters program with a full scholarship. But I realized I can't continue my old ways. Lots of grad students have advised me that I need to figure out how to take care of my health if I want to be successful in grad school. If I keep pulling all-nighters, wasting time on social media, and eating a bunch of sugary and processed food, I'm probably not going to do as well.
You might be wondering why I started off this post by saying my life is messed up. I've been a lot healthier lately than I have been in a long time. I woke up early this morning to hit the gym. Yesterday, I went on a run with some "frens" (more like colleagues since they were profs and grad students) and tomorrow I'm going on another run with this other "fren" (classmate). I always get enough sleep and feel well-rested. I've been eating lots of fruits and vegetables, and I've been keeping on top of all my readings even though it's a huge workload. I've also been reviewing Ojibway vocabulary every day. If y'all want to learn this language too, I recommend using the free lessons on https://ojibwe.net/. It's been so nice to just have a random hobby like this that can satisfy my yearning and hunger for beauty and interrupt the horrible unbearable boringness of my everyday life. Learning about cultures, languages, or art really fills the void in me. Or at least almost does.
The truth is, I've been feeling calmer over all and have less days where I burst out into tears for no reason (although this still happens sometimes). But I wouldn't say my mental health has really improved. I've become so good at instilling habits that will make my life better. I have a haircare and skincare routine. I usually review my Ojibway vocabulary flashcards in the morning (and do longer practice sessions once a week or so). I make sure my breakfast includes healthy carbs so I can have energy for the whole day. But I still don't have the thing that I really want, which is an emotional support system. Like bruh, I literally just want friends. Friends with common interests who value me, who initiate plans, who are good at texting back.
I also found that when I religiously focus on school, health and hobbies, there's pretty much no time left over to socialize. Sure, I have study seshes or workout seshes with my "buddies," and I have some old friends who I text sometimes, but I still feel so hopelessly alone, disconnected from the world and isolated. To be honest, I don't know how much of feeling lonely is real and how much of it is just in my head. But I literally feel like no one would really care if I died tomorrow. This may just be in my head though, I have no idea.
During my undergrad, I tried so hard to make friends and it never worked out. Now, I'm not even trying any more because I've been hurt so much by social rejection already. I just do workout or study seshes with people, and if we have a break during our lectures I'll ask someone how they are. That's pretty much it. Maybe I shouldn't be complaining, cause there are probably people who are getting even less social interaction than I do.
My chronic loneliness is making me really sad. No matter how much I try to ignore it and not think about it and focus on other things, I still feel really empty. I don't let the sad feelings consume me or prevent me from doing what I want any more though. My melancholy hasn't gone away, I've just become stronger and better at handling it.
The yearning for beauty, art, and culture is also a yearning for love, whether platonic or romantic. I want friendships that are super supportive and wholesome and emotionally passionate and don't just feel like regular "frens" or classmates. It's so cursed that I grew up in a boring Canadian suburb and now I live in some dreary grey city for school and everyone is like a NPC and nothing is beautiful or special around here.
welp, i gotta study now. lmao bye.
Tuesday, September 5, 2023
Daily Gratitude Post
I feel like such a NPC doing this, but lets just give this a try. You know how some people think writing down stuff you're grateful for makes you feel better about yourself? It used to make me feel worse because of my low self-esteem. I'd be like "wow I don't deserve any of these nice things in my life." But then I tried to put a spin on it and make it about self-gratitude. That kind of helps. Think of it as writing down things you like about yourself, or thanking yourself for doing things that will make life easier for the future you. Here are 5 things I'm grateful for today:
1. I moved into my dorm this week and everything went smoothly. It's so cozy and nice here.
2. I'm grateful for the view outside my window fr because I can see trees :o
3. I'm proud of myself for remembering to eat my vitamin D supplement this morning!!!!
4. I'm grateful that I did the readings for my class on Friday lmao
5. I'm grateful that my interactions with my roommates were normal and not sus!!
That's all for now. I'll try to write down 5 things daily and then see if my mood improves.
Monday, September 4, 2023
I can no longer pretend I'm not depressed
My life is falling apart and it's literally a dumpster fire right now. The enemies praying on my downfall have won, and I can't say I didn't deserve this because I have committed sins that not even Allah can forgive.
Anyway, at least school is starting soon so I can use homework to distract myself from how much everything sucks. Life is so hard as a vitamin D deficient person with high blood sugar who hates going outside and has severe attachment issues and back pain. I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that I hate everyone. I'm glad I have a decent therapist to help me with this stuff (after going through like 4 different therapists who didn't help). But it's not enough and every day is worse. I'm going to scream.
#NoSimpSeptember hasn't been going that well so far honestly. I'm not actually s*mping over anyone, I just haven't been using this time to be productive like I should. I have a research paper due soon that I still haven't finished (for the summer job I was doing) and I really wanted to finish it before sch**l started but I don't think I will now. So I will have to do that and school at the same time fml.
Tomorrow I have a general orientation for grad students, and then I will have one for only people in my department. I wish I could say I'm excited. I guess I am a little. But mostly I am thinking about how I may not be able to make it out alive of such an ordeal and how I am scared to talk to people.
I am going to go now since I don't think dwelling on my sadness is really helping with anything. I've been advised to have hope for the future rather than wallowing in self-pity but it's easier said that done.
For now, yer girl has no hope, no energy, no self-esteem, no plans, no goals, and no hobbies other than brooding, pondering, languishing, bewailing, and bemoaning.
Friday, September 1, 2023
No Simp September Day 1 #NoSimp2023
Okay I think #NoSimp2023 is going well for me so far. I had a session with my therapist that seemed to go well. basically there was something I felt really guilty about doing but my therapist tried to get me to forgive myself for it. I thought there was no way I could forgive myself, but honestly now I kind of understand I was in a very bonkers and delusional state for a long time. I can't blame people who are bonkers for doing certain things. They don't have control over their actions and my delusions were strong. That's been helping me move on and forgive myself for the situation and I know I will never do something like that again. Also I used to not agree with "inner child theory" but my therapist applies it to my life in a way that makes sense. I feel good because I've had so many cringe and mediocre therapists before, but this one seems like she's actually helpful.
I went to the park with my parents and grandparents too so I actually touched grass and spent time with my family, which is also good. Also my dad had a Hindi song from the 1950s playing in the car and it contained a lot of riddles. I was kinda obsessed with it. The answer to one of the riddles was "corn" lmao.
हरी थी मन भरी थी लाख मोती जड़ी थीThursday, August 31, 2023
No Simp September 2023
Friday, August 25, 2023
The Red Lynx (idk if I will expand this into a novella later. for now, it is a random story)
Mara knew her daughter was different from others from the moment she was born. A weak and sickly child, Nali had been perhaps half the weight a newborn infant ought to be at the time of her birth. She had all the typical features of the Kuralic people; wiry, black hair, olive skin and large, amber eyes. Yet the way she often gazed into the distance for hours in complete silence gave Mara the uncanny feeling that she could see things that others could not.
Nali’s frequent, debilitating fevers and her quiet, submissive disposition made Mara overprotective. She did not wish to let the fragile child attend one of the strict schools in Sylvania, a land where neither mother nor daughter were from and where they found themselves most lonely as they resided there against their will. Corporal punishment and school bullies would have done Nali no good. And Mara, fearing also the bears and wolves of the densely-wooded Sylvania decided it would be simplest to totally ban Nali from leaving the house.
From then on, Mara’s sole mission became to provide the child an upbringing that would feel like being confined to a gilded palace. She tutored her in lyre-playing and reciting Kuralic love poems, which so often described the eyes of their women as resembling honey or gold when illuminated by the sun. Of history and politics, Mara taught the child nothing. She could not stand the thought of Nali ever knowing that bad things befell the good, that the sun shines on both the just and unjust. She prayed to the goddess Nerukia that her daughter would never have to wonder why the powerful can never be touched, that it is usually the ones you love the most who betray your trust, and that she would never know how sometimes love could hurt so much.
So the girl hardly knew of the existence of other countries, other than their distant homeland of Kural and that it had been subsumed by an empire called Aradala. Mara distorted this to sound like a peaceful takeover rather than a bloody conquest, and did not mention that the Aradalans were now trying to take over Sylvania.
Nali’s only assigned chore around the house was to ring the bells near Nerukia’s altar every day and say a few words of gratitude to the goddess.
She did this right before her mother left for the marketplace in the morning. Mara spent her days trying to convince Sylvanians of the value of Kuralic goods so that she could feed her child. Sacred heirlooms were seen as mere trinkets and curiosities. Every day, it seemed like the locals were becoming more hostile to her as the influence of Aradala’s dark shadow expanded.
“You spineless Kurals need to go back to where you came from. We don’t have the resources to provide for you lazy people. We have our own problems to worry about,” said a seller of animal hides. Knives and hide scrapers hung from her belt. It was clear she had to do the hunting, tanning and processing of hides all by herself. Mara decided the lady must be acting out because of stress.
There was no way for Mara to return to her homeland like the woman suggested. It had been reduced to ruins, and she believed it would not be long before people spoke of Kural as an ancient civilization if it was ever mentioned at all. The few native inhabitants who had not managed to flee the country were killed at whim by their overlords or enslaved.
“The Aradalan army was no match for you pathetic people who spend all your time worshiping your ugly goddess, but we Sylvanians would not give up so easily,” said an old woman.
Nerukia’s head was a skull. Devotees were not supposed to be attached to physical beauty, but Mara had to pretend not to hear this gross ignorance about the complexities of her religion.
Finally, there was a woman who seemed to be interested in Mara’s snake-shaped brooch. It once belonged to Mara’s great grandmother, and Mara used to long for the day when she could pass them down to her own daughter. Snakes were also a sacred animal in Kuralic religion, and Nerukia was often depicted with a serpent around her neck. But it was more important for Nali to eat than it was for her to own a brooch.
“I do collect artifacts from vanquished races, so this would be a perfect addition,” said the Sylvanian woman. She ended up paying the price of a fish for what would have been valued so much in Mara’s culture.
Later that day, Mara tried to be grateful for what she had as she took home a trout. It would at least be a nutritious meal for her daughter. She was pleased to find Nali sitting in front of the idol of Nerukia in quiet devotion.
But poor Mara, who did not want her daughter to have to do anything more strenuous than ring a bell, could not protect the child from harm even within her own house.
When Nali finished the trout, Mara advised her not to dispose of the bones. “We will make a necklace for the Nerukia idol out of fishbone. This was a common practice back in Kural. Our goddess is also known as the Skeletal Lady, and is fond of offerings of handmade bone jewelry.”
“Okay mom,” said Nali. But the child had hardly gotten out of her seat when she collapsed on the floor without warning.
Mara screamed and broke into tears. “Nali? Nali, my heart, answer me. What has happened, my precious jewel?” She fell to her knees, and placed the child’s head on her lap. Still, there was no response or stirring from Nali, and her body felt dreadfully cold. Mara’s mind raced for possible explanations. Food poisoning? Choking on a fishbone? She did not have much time to process what had happened, for all of a sudden came a dreadful sound. Like the ringing of a prayer bell but much louder, and then the room started filling up with an eerie red gas.
Instinctively, she knew she was dealing with something otherworldly. Mara had plenty of spiritual knowledge. She had administered charms and potions back in Kural, and knew of the lore of Nerukia and the lesser deities. But this was a land where her magic did not work and her knowledge meant nothing.
She was poor and helpless and a foreigner, and did not understand why the local spirits would deem her worthy of their attention. She feared that she had somehow angered them greatly. But what could she have possibly done? She was not a greedy Aradalan invader.
Her vision blurred by tears, Mara looked down at Nali, whose eyes were closed. She almost seemed to be asleep, except that her chest was not rising and falling and so Mara feared she was not breathing.
The red gas grew thicker. Mara was hardly surprised when a being of some kind began to appear, knowing that something horrible and supernatural was unfolding before her.
She was a feline creature, not a humanoid. All Sylvanian spirits and deities were animal-like, Mara knew. As the cat materialized, Mara could see that she had bright, red fur. She was as feral as the lynxes of the nearby forests, with long whiskers and tufts of fur coming out of her ears. Upon her head grew a pair of antlers as large as a stag’s. And she had three eyes, two yellow ones and a larger, red one on her forehead. At first, Mara thought this was some kind of fire spirit, judging by the red fur. But as the feline came closer, she noticed webbed feet that left a trail of water on the ground as the red gas thinned. There was a row of wide, blue spines down the creature’s back. And the final detail that Mara noticed, a scaly tail like a mermaid’s, confirmed that this was an aquatic spirit.
Mara began to beg and plead. “Feline water goddess, please have mercy on us. If we have angered you in some way, please smite me, not my daughter.” But the creature only stared at Mara with her yellow eyes, while her third eye was fixed upon Nali. “We are newcomers and have not learned the ways of your country, forgive us.” Her daughter remained still and lifeless in her arms. “Everything that I love, that I would die for, is within her. I am nothing without her. I am prepared to endure the worst torture if you let her go free, to be your slave if necessary.”
Nali began to stir now. But instead of feeling relief, Mara’s heart filled with dread when she realized that although the child was moving, she was not alive. “No! Please don’t do this,” she begged the cat, “let her go.” She was horrified by the thought of her daughter under demonic possession.
Nali’s eyes opened and were now bright yellow, like the cat’s. Mara shrieked when her daughter made eye contact with her. “No. No! I’ll be your slave. I’ll be your slave for eternity. Please-”
“Cease your babbling, fool.” Nali spoke in the feline’s voice while the feline herself paced around the room.
Mara could only whimper.
“The girl is mine now. I will make her do my bidding. She will fight for Sylvania, against all the enemies of this land.” Nali got up, eyes ablaze. This new voice seemed so sinister, so terribly suited to the child.
“My only child…” Mara’s voice trailed off.
“And did you ever stop and think of my child? I am known to my people as the Mother of the Waters. That’s why Sylvanians always dump fish bones back into the water after they eat them. It is I who reanimate the bones of my children, so that there is always a steady number of fish in the water. But what have you done, foreigner? You’ve devoted the bones to your horrible skeletal lady. Now I can not reanimate them. You took my child, so I’ll take yours.” The creature’s voice thundered from within the child.
“All this… is because of a fish bone?” Mara blinked in disbelief.
“You are a fool. You do not understand our ways. Nevermind, this child is mine. But her frail body is of no use to me right now. I will return again, once she is older. But do not forget that she does not belong to you.” With this, Nali fell to the ground in a coughing fit as her eyes changed back to their natural amber shade. Mara rushed to comfort her.
The creature, while using Nali to speak, had been licking her own paw in the most domestic catlike manner. She turned around, and, dragging her mermaid’s tail behind on the floor, disappeared as she crept away.
Nali moaned.
“Nali! My soft dove!” Mara embraced her in relief.
“I had the most terrible dream about… a cat?” said Nali. Although she was no longer possessed, she seemed very ill. But her mother was not unused to her being feverish. She tucked her into bed after making her some tea.
“Sleep now, my true love. That whole business about the cat was just a dream. It can’t hurt you,” said Mara. In her blind motherly devotion, it seemed she was always obscuring reality to protect her child.
Mara nursed Nali for several days, throughout which she did not want to leave the child’s side for even a second and kept holding her hand. Then just as Nali began to feel well again one day, it was Mara who fell ill. Her nine year old daughter was not well-prepared for handling tasks other than the ringing of the bell. The mother’s condition only grew worse by the day, her temperature rising, and she also lost her hearing. This meant that she did not hear the sound of Sylvanians blowing into conch shells one morning to warn of an Aradalan raid, and she did not know how to instruct Nali on how to flee to a safe place.
Nali seemed mesmerized by the conch shell trumpeting. She did not register it as a sign of danger.
Sylvanian militias fended off the worst attackers. Much of the valuable stores of copper, obsidian and red flint tools were lost. But no Sylvanians were killed or carried off as slaves. Needless to say, the militias did not care to defend the row of huts where Kuralic people were taking refuge. It only took one Aradalan soldier in gleaming armor to carry off Nali from the screaming but helpless Mara.
The mother died after the raid. Whether of heartbreak or of her illness, it could not be determined.
Nine years old, weak, ignorant of history and geography, and incompetent in any useful skills, Nali was taken to Aradala to be a slave. Her frequent illnesses and her tendency to bungle simple tasks led to many beatings, but somehow she lived to adulthood. In fact, her natural submissiveness meant that she was not seen as a threat, and she became a palace attendant to peel the grapes of the Aradalan nobility. For such a pathetic creature, no better end can be hoped for.