Guys, seriously... what am I doing with my life?

First of all, I'd like to apologize for not updating this blog in a while. I have a lot of ideas for new content and various topics that I'd like to cover... but I've just been so busy or exhausted that I haven't had time to write the sort of detailed and informative articles that I consider of a high enough quality to post. So it's not that I'm out of ideas. I never have writer's block or artist's block. I'm just too dead inside.

And now I'm going to do something I usually never do on this blog... talk about myself. I mean, I usually post serious articles about history or politics or at least something slightly serious like art/short stories/book reviews... but I never talk about myself. So how about I do a deep feelsy post 
E X P O S I N G myself in front of the whole world? 

I don't even really know where I'm going with all this, but we'll see...

So first of all I have to say that I've been under a lot of stress and that's mainly academic stress. I'm about to go into grade 12 in September (senior year for any Americans reading this) and it really fills me with worry and dread for the future. Basically, if I don't get good grades this year I'll kinda die. I don't want to be homeless and live in a barrel even though I admire Diogenes. And also, I have no idea what I want to do with my life. My dream is to be a writer but of course my parents aren't a fan of this idea, just like any good parent should react to a child who wants to go down the starving artist path.The highlight of my summer was going to a real archaeology field school and helping to excavate a 600 year old village built by an Iroquian speaking group who were probably the ancestors of the Wendat (I know I know, you're all probably like OMG WHAT? WHEN WILL YOU TELL US MORE? Well I promise I'll do lots of detailed posts about everything I learned there later... but for now let me rant.) All the other students there seemed so legit and had their act together. Many of them wanted to go into archaeology, history or indigenous studies at Trent University. And then there was me. I mean, I love history to death (I run a nerdy history blog, remember?) but I don't know if I'd want to pursue a career in it. I have stereotypical brown parents that want me to do the doctor/lawyer/engineer thing and all my IRL friends want to go into STEM fields. 

Also, I feel like I have a right to say this because I excel in arts and humanities related subjects... they all suck. 

Seriously who would you save? Even if you have a PHD in classics from Oxford I'm sure you'd rather save the STEM majors because they contribute so much more to society. 

But i suck at math so i guess i'll die 

Everyone who knows me well knows that there are three things that I love: history, philosophy and linguistics (including the English language and all the literature and stuff that it includes). And who are we kidding, these fields are all useless to humanity. I know someone who is doing a PHD in linguistics and is relying on food banks. No one cares about what people like that do and I don't think you can blame them for not caring. 

Have you ever heard an engineering major brag about how smart they are? well even though I hate it when they do that, I have to admit they are 100% justified in doing so. Because anyone can learn Latin, analyze literature, or understand weird ideas written by dead philosophers but it takes a special type of smart person to do whatever it is that engineers do. 

Is there any way I can study something I'm really passionate about while still satisfying my parents and societal expectations?

Maybe I might get into the University of Toronto or McMaster by some sorcery into a health science program and become a doctor and then quit at some point to become a historical fiction novelist like my dreams but that's not possible. 

WAIT A MINUTE

This might be the answer to my prayers

So recently I've come across the Arts & Science program at McMaster which seems really prestigious because they require an 88% average which includes Calculus, Advanced Functions and English as well as a great supplementary application proving that you contribute a lot to the community with volunteering or extra curricular programs. It only accepts 60-70 students a year!!!!!! I CAN DrEAM. 

I just really love the idea of it because it's like an "undecided major" program because it's great for people who have commitment issues like I do and can't imagine limiting ourselves to one field. Finally, I can take classes in both physics and philosophy. But IDK if I'll actually get in. 

They should really make more arts programs that have high admission requirements instead of just a 75% average and portfolio like most of them do. That will teach people some respect for arts majors. 

ok that's all 

#rantover