Anyway, at least school is starting soon so I can use homework to distract myself from how much everything sucks. Life is so hard as a vitamin D deficient person with high blood sugar who hates going outside and has severe attachment issues and back pain. I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to and that I hate everyone. I'm glad I have a decent therapist to help me with this stuff (after going through like 4 different therapists who didn't help). But it's not enough and every day is worse. I'm going to scream.
#NoSimpSeptember hasn't been going that well so far honestly. I'm not actually s*mping over anyone, I just haven't been using this time to be productive like I should. I have a research paper due soon that I still haven't finished (for the summer job I was doing) and I really wanted to finish it before sch**l started but I don't think I will now. So I will have to do that and school at the same time fml.
Tomorrow I have a general orientation for grad students, and then I will have one for only people in my department. I wish I could say I'm excited. I guess I am a little. But mostly I am thinking about how I may not be able to make it out alive of such an ordeal and how I am scared to talk to people.
I am going to go now since I don't think dwelling on my sadness is really helping with anything. I've been advised to have hope for the future rather than wallowing in self-pity but it's easier said that done.
For now, yer girl has no hope, no energy, no self-esteem, no plans, no goals, and no hobbies other than brooding, pondering, languishing, bewailing, and bemoaning.
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