black and white thinking

This is so random but I have realized that I need to get out of black and white thinking. I don't know how to. It is so much easier said than done. And I'm so used to black and white thinking that it almost feels like I'm betraying myself by giving up an important part of my personality if I stop thinking this way.

I see people who I meet as good or evil. If I view them as good, I idolize them and form unhealthy and obsessive attachments to them. If I see them as evil, I demonize them. The problem is that I can switch up on people pretty fast if I feel like they are not reciprocating the care and attention I give them (and of course they can't reciprocate, because I like them way too much. Not a normal regular healthy amount you're supposed to like someone). So they always end up being demonized in my head.

Ironically, I'm also an academic. I chose this path because I love nuance. I love shades of grey. I gain so much more from studying all aspects of a culture I am interested in, the good and the bad, than I would from romanticizing that culture. One of my favourite professors told me "never romanticize precolonial societies." I thought that was really wise, and I do not think it means ignoring the atrocities committed under colonialism.

So now I'm just wondering, if I can appreciate the shades of grey in societies or cultures why can't I do the same for individuals?

Anyway, these are just some night time thoughts. I have to go now because I have to sleep and I have a stupid French exam tomorrow. I will be wondering what the gender of a washing machine is or something like that.

Before I go, here is a random drawing I made of a girl with turkeys. I love turkeys. I have never actually seen them in real life, though unfortunately, my worst enemy has.