Yer girl is reflecting on life

Alright so basically, I go to a university that is known for having a very depressed student population. Almost all the posts on our subreddit or on our Instagram confession pages are from students saying they are lonely, have no friends, have no rizz, hate their life, want to die, etc. I am now doing my masters, and it appears that most of these posts are from undergrads. I used to be a depressed undergrad at this institution too, so I know what it's like. I am a lot happier in grad school, but I still struggle sometimes.

I don't have the solution to this issue. I just want to explain why this stuff is difficult to address, and why it is really hard to try to give advice to these students. Obviously, this is a major systemic issue. On a societal level, people are more depressed and lonely now and it's not their fault. It's because of economic factors outside of their control. 

Another thing that is worth mentioning is that the advice that is given to these lonely students is straight up contradictory in nature. On the one hand, they are told to join clubs, talk to people in their classes, maybe use dating apps if they want to rizz people up, etc. On the other hand, they are told that they should focus on The Grind, that happiness comes from within, not from your relationships with people and that they should be happy single and they shouldn't even rely on their friends for happiness. To me it seems like "human beings are social creatures and need community to be happy" and "happiness comes from within. learn to be self-reliant" are completely contradictory and irreconcilable pieces of advice. 

And I really don't know which is the correct path if you had to choose one of those. Sometimes hanging out with friends is the best thing ever and I feel like it heals me or makes life seem worth living, but sometimes I also find myself very disappointed with certain people and wonder why I even made the effort to be their friend and how I would have been better off just spending that effort on myself, not others. Sometimes focusing on my hobbies and The Grind and just ignoring everyone makes me feel really happy and satisfied, and I impress myself with how productive I am. Other times it's like "man preparing for this conference is so much work. I wish I could hang out with my homies instead."

I'm still trying to find a balance between socializing and focusing on The Grind that works for me. It's honestly easier said than done. 

One thing I've noticed though is that The Grind's results are a lot more predictable and reliable. If I work hard at learning a new skill, I kind of know that it's going to pay off. Meanwhile, if you invest time in a friendship or romantic relationship with someone, you have to do it knowing you're taking a huge risk. They might betray you, they might ruin your life, or in the best case scenario: they just leave you and it's pretty respectful and civil, but you still end up regretting all the time you wasted on them that you could have spent doing something else. We have a limited amount of time on this earth, and instead of hanging out with this person who ended up not being worth it, you could have been reviewing your Anki flashcards, or making art, or reading a book, or writing a blog post. Whatever it is that you consider being productive or fun. Is it really so wrong then for some people to just try to play it safe? If socializing is like gambling, can we really hate people who don't want to take the risk? You might "win big" by meeting someone great who likes and respects you, but is it really worth the time and effort when you could invest in a more stable stock? Idk.