do techbros misunderstand Meditations by Marcus Aurelius? also I am still Ojibwemaxxing

I will be yapping about these books:

Hi everyone! So I realize that the title of this post might be a bit clickbaity and I don't actually want to bash anyone's efforts to engage with the classics. However, what made me want to write this post was the fact that I recently read a book called Embers: One Ojibway’s Meditations by Richard Wagamese, and I could not help but be reminded of what is probably the most famous example of the “philosophical journal” style of book, which is Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you’ll know that I’m a non-Indigenous learner of Anishinaabemowin, the Ojibwe language. I’ve written on this blog before about universal truths that are found across different storytelling traditions. For example, Basil Johnston’s retelling of the Ojibwe story of the wolverine reminds me an awful lot of my boy Satan from Milton’s Paradise Lost. For today though, I wanted to focus on how some people may misinterpret Stoic philosophy as being about isolating yourself, becoming hyperindependent, and avoiding relationships with others. I believe such ideas are erasing some of the nuances in Meditations and could be harmful. Aurelius does mention the important of community. So does Wagamese. In Embers, Wagamese draws from Anishinaabe worldview to remind us that all of creation is our community, so that includes creatures and plants.

Perhaps people who are huge fans of Meditations won’t like that I’m speaking of it alongside Embers. One is a timeless classic and one was written in the same century as us. However, Wagamese certainly draws from some very ancient teachings. And he seems to have been interested in making this wisdom accessible even to people who not know anything about Ojibwe culture. Aurelius was keeping a diary for the sake of his own self-improvement and did not intend for so many people to read it. Also, I understand why people who hate new age spirituality and self-help books might be reluctant to read “Embers.” Trust me, I hate that kinda stuff and I only read The Power of Now because my dad and my boyfriend like it. However, I enjoyed Embers. And I do not think an Ojibway writer writing about Anishinaabe teachings should be reduced to “new age.” Richard Wagamese isn’t a white woman.

Okay, lets pull up a banger from Meditations now. This is from Book 11, number viii. There are of course, many different translations of Meditations. But I am using this one on Wikisource because it is easy to access: https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/The_Meditations_of_the_Emperor_Marcus_Antoninus/Book_11

Here is the banger quotation. Notice especially the ending, where he talks about how you should value community but you shouldn’t lose yourself in it.

8. A branch cut off from the bough it belonged to cannot but be cut off also from the whole tree. Similarly a man, if severed from a single man, has fallen away from society as a whole. Now in the case of a branch, it is cut off by another agency, whereas man by his own act divides himself from his neighbour, when he hates him and turns from him, yet he does not realize that at the same time he has severed himself from the whole Commonwealth. Only there is this singular gift of Zeus who brought society together, that we are enabled to join again with the man we belong to, and again to become complements of the Whole. Yet, if it is often repeated, the effect of such separation is to make what separates difficult to unite and to restore. Generally speaking, too, the branch which originally grew with the tree and shared its transpiration, by remaining with it, is different from the branch which is engrafted again after being cut off, whatever gardeners may say. 'Grow together with them but do not share their doctrines.'

What do we make of this? Aurelius is not against forming relationships. He is against forming toxic, codependent attachments that would prevent you from thinking for yourself or having your own opinions.

A lot of what Meditations talks about is Logos or Reason, which is sort of like your inner god. It is an unshakeable part of you that should not be impacted by any life circumstances, however good or tragic they may be. You always have Reason even when you have nothing else. Guess what? Wagamese also speaks of having part of the Creator within him.

Lets pull up a banger from Embers. This is also a tree-related passage. It is about mast seeding, which is how trees use their roots to communicate with each other so that they all know that they should bear fruit at the same time. Pecan trees do this. This is what he says. Keep in mind that he wrote this stuff because these were thoughts that occurred to him during his morning meditations, so in a way it is sort of like Aurelius’s journal but less private:

“I’ve learned nuts are formed from symbiotic relationships between trees. They communicate through fungal networks in the soil. In a process called mast seeding, different species of trees communicate and come into fruit (the delivery of nuts) at the same time, ensuring their ongoing survival. Tree talk, tree people; as my own people say. These days I’m definitely a nut, learning to exist in unity, synchrony and harmony.”

Even trees have friends!!! And they talk to their frens. So you see, grindset advice that does not encourage you to form community or a support system is probably a bad idea.

Wagamese and Aurelius both suggest holding oneself to a very high standard while simultaneously having extreme compassion for others, and this is also how I personally want to live my life. By having very high standards for myself, but not for other people. I don’t want to judge others. If I am focusing on self-improovement, I would not have the time to do so.

That’s all for today’s chronic yapping post. Thanks for reading it!!

Unconventional essay writing advice that involves thinking about love and friendship

This is Michel de Montaigne!!! He was really good at writing essays :))

What’s up fam? It’s yer girl. Today, we are going to discuss unconventional essay writing advice. If you’re an undergrad, chances are that you have to write tons of these. Everyone hates essays, right? And everyone finds them boring to read too, don’t they? Well actually, I’m going to give you some unconventional essay writing advice that makes it fun to write essays. It will also make it fun to read essays.

First, I need to start by explaining why the form of the essay is important. A lot of people believe essays, or perhaps nonfiction writing in general is boring. They think it doesn’t stir the emotions as much as fiction does. The truth is, a well-written essay can be as moving as poetry. Want an example? Read “Of Friendship” by Michel de Montaigne. He argues that loyalty to your best friend is above all other loyalties. It is much more important than loyalty to the state. He supports codependent monogamous friendships!!! AND HE WOULD NEVER SNITCH ON A HOMIE. Here is an excerpt from “Of Friendship,” (1588) in John Florio’s translation (1603). It talks about two besties or bros named Gracchus and Blosius. Blosius says he trusts Gracchus, so he would listen to his fren if his fren told him to set fire to all the temples. Here it is:

When Lelius in the presence of the Romane Consuls, who after the condemnation of Tiberius Gracchus, pursued all those that had beene of his acquaintance, came to enquire of Caius Blosius (who was one of his chiefest friends) what he would have done for him, and that he answered, “All things.” “What, all things?” replied he. “And what if he had willed thee to burne our Temples?” Blosius answered, “He would never have commanded such a thing.” “But what if he had done it?” replied Lelius. The other answered, “I would have obeyed him.” If hee were so perfect a friend to Gracchus as Histories report, he needed not offend the Consuls with this last and bold confession, and should not have departed from the assurance hee had of Gracchus his minde. But yet those who accuse this answer as seditious, understand not well this mysterie: and doe not presuppose in what termes he stood, and that he held Gracchus his will in his sleeve, both by power and knowledge. They were rather friends than Citizens, rather friends than enemies of their countrey, or friends of ambition and trouble.

“THEY WERE FRIENDS RATHER THAN CITIZENS” LET THAT SINK IN!!

I use this deeply moving passage as evidence to say that thinking essays are boring is an equally horrible take as thinking there is nothing to be learned from fiction (perhaps I will write an essay on this sometime). A good essay tries to convince your reader that you have a respectable point. Evidence for your thesis, such as in the form of primary source quotations, is very important. However, what’s even more important is having a voice. You should sound like you have convictions when you write an essay.

Now, for any kind of writing, you’ve probably heard the suggestion to write first and revise later. This is pretty good advice. Make it exist first, because you can make it good later. All first drafts suck. I definitely agree with this advice, but don’t edit out your raw voice. To cultivate voice, write blog posts and diary entries. Basically anything informal where you use little or no editing and just talk about your thoughts and feelings. I do this on this blog all the time. I write informally about literary fiction or monographs just to get my thoughts and first impressions of a text down. But in this post, I would like to propose unconventional advice that applies specifically to essays.

My unconventional essay writing tip has to do with thinking about love and friendship as you write!!!

Now hear me out. Imagine people who are close to you as you write. Your homie, your mom, your fair beloved, etc. And write as though you are addressing them. Start it off in the style of a letter if that helps, and then eventually delete the part of your draft that starts with “dear ___.”

Can there be any doubt that Montaigne was thinking about a homie the entire time he was composing “Of Friendship”?

But your essay doesn’t actually have to be about friendships or relationships for this tip to apply. If you care about any idea enough, the only things you probably care about more are the people you love. And naturally, you must want to communicate ideas idea that matter to you with them.

My tip is for essay writing. Perhaps you can apply it to other forms of writing. But I intend it is an essay writing tip because I actually think there’s something very intimate about the essay form. When you have intellectual discourse with someone, it’s like seeing the inside of their brain. This is why it feels amazing to read an essay by someone you love, especially if it’s a raw, unpolished draft with their authentic voice. If your fair beloved sends you a spicy photo, that’s basically just like seeing an anatomical diagram compared to seeing their rough drafts.

You may wish to argue to change the political system in some way. Perhaps there is some famous book, and a certain passage from it is very popular, but you want to argue for the importance of one of its more overlooked passages. Perhaps you think human civilization has been entirely wrong about a concept for over 500 years. Why not start off your essay on these topics like a letter? The distinction between public and private thoughts is fake anyway.

Sure, you may write about an esoteric subject you’re interested in that your loved ones neither know nor care about. But ultimately your deepest held beliefs are informed by things that you think would benefit THEM if your ideas were implemented by society.

Do you think literature is supposed to instill virtue? Do you think society devalues beauty, and that this is cheapening art? Or perhaps you have the opposite take, and think that bourgeois aesthetic ideal are used to justify violent oppression. Maybe you have takes that criticize the school system, or the healthcare system, or the justice system because you know someone who has been personally wronged by the. Someone you love. Sometimes, that’s what it takes for people to stop feeling a distinction between social issues (issues that “happen to other people who are not like me, who either deserve it or who I can not help”) and personal issues. Your writing may seem arcane to your loved ones. But really, in a way you’re doing it for them. Aren’t you?

So start your essays off as letters. In some ways, this unconventional writing advice is like the advice of “touch grass to write better novels.” Sure you should probably read literary fiction if you’re a novelist, but your burst of inspiration is most likely to come from living life. I have a fren who loves Jane Austen. He told me that the reason why he loves Pride and Prejudice so much is because he thinks Austen sounds like she loves people. She doesn’t sound like a bitter misanthrope. If you descend into misanthropy, it may result in your downfall as a writer.

Being a good essayist does require touching grass. But more specifically, it requires forming meaningful relationships.

I was reading a critic’s work where he kinda sounded like he hated medieval literature. Medieval fans may not like that this guy was spouting the typical “it was the Dark Ages” narrative. But the point he used to criticize stuff by medieval writers who went monkmode was that they have a murderous hatred of the world that they clothe in asceticism!! Do not be like that!! resist temptation to go monkmode.

Thank you for reading this. As you can probably tell, I am a chronic yapper.

Yer girl is reflecting on life

Alright so basically, I go to a university that is known for having a very depressed student population. Almost all the posts on our subreddit or on our Instagram confession pages are from students saying they are lonely, have no friends, have no rizz, hate their life, want to die, etc. I am now doing my masters, and it appears that most of these posts are from undergrads. I used to be a depressed undergrad at this institution too, so I know what it's like. I am a lot happier in grad school, but I still struggle sometimes.

I don't have the solution to this issue. I just want to explain why this stuff is difficult to address, and why it is really hard to try to give advice to these students. Obviously, this is a major systemic issue. On a societal level, people are more depressed and lonely now and it's not their fault. It's because of economic factors outside of their control. 

Another thing that is worth mentioning is that the advice that is given to these lonely students is straight up contradictory in nature. On the one hand, they are told to join clubs, talk to people in their classes, maybe use dating apps if they want to rizz people up, etc. On the other hand, they are told that they should focus on The Grind, that happiness comes from within, not from your relationships with people and that they should be happy single and they shouldn't even rely on their friends for happiness. To me it seems like "human beings are social creatures and need community to be happy" and "happiness comes from within. learn to be self-reliant" are completely contradictory and irreconcilable pieces of advice. 

And I really don't know which is the correct path if you had to choose one of those. Sometimes hanging out with friends is the best thing ever and I feel like it heals me or makes life seem worth living, but sometimes I also find myself very disappointed with certain people and wonder why I even made the effort to be their friend and how I would have been better off just spending that effort on myself, not others. Sometimes focusing on my hobbies and The Grind and just ignoring everyone makes me feel really happy and satisfied, and I impress myself with how productive I am. Other times it's like "man preparing for this conference is so much work. I wish I could hang out with my homies instead."

I'm still trying to find a balance between socializing and focusing on The Grind that works for me. It's honestly easier said than done. 

One thing I've noticed though is that The Grind's results are a lot more predictable and reliable. If I work hard at learning a new skill, I kind of know that it's going to pay off. Meanwhile, if you invest time in a friendship or romantic relationship with someone, you have to do it knowing you're taking a huge risk. They might betray you, they might ruin your life, or in the best case scenario: they just leave you and it's pretty respectful and civil, but you still end up regretting all the time you wasted on them that you could have spent doing something else. We have a limited amount of time on this earth, and instead of hanging out with this person who ended up not being worth it, you could have been reviewing your Anki flashcards, or making art, or reading a book, or writing a blog post. Whatever it is that you consider being productive or fun. Is it really so wrong then for some people to just try to play it safe? If socializing is like gambling, can we really hate people who don't want to take the risk? You might "win big" by meeting someone great who likes and respects you, but is it really worth the time and effort when you could invest in a more stable stock? Idk.

Always ask your friends if they would still be your friend if you were a worm

Yer girl is back even tho I was super busy cause I was on my grindset (I told y'all 2024 was gonna be my Renaissance year).

Anyway this is just going to be some quick life advice for all of you. My life may not be perfect, but one thing that makes it enviable is this: I have the most loyal and based friends in the whole universe. I know they would eat a centipede for me, and I would eat a centipede for them.

Now I will admit I don't have the best social skills (one time I "asked out" a "classmate" and I talked about Aztec human sacrifice methods the entire time I was with him and he never talked to me again). But you don't actually need good social skills to have loyal friends. Someone who truly loves you will not care about your looks, just like someone who truly wants to be your friend will not care about your social skills.

The key is to pick people who value friendship and loyalty, and who believe in consistency. So it's about picking the right people, not larping as a different person. Don't waste time on people who don't match your energy or who think you are clingy or needy or have no life just because you know how to prioritize BOTH the grindset and the social life. Yes I can be available to my friends while still slaying academically and professionally. If you can't it's simply a skill issue.

Also, while it may be a little toxic and manipulative to "test" people's loyalty, it doesn't hurt to ask the simple question of if someone would still be your friend if you were a worm. I asked my friend this and she texted back "lmao of course" within 3 minutes. That's one of my biggest flexes. Top tier friendship right there and guess what? She is a super busy PhD student but she didn't use being busy as an excuse!

Also it's important to remember that you shouldn't cut people off or be rude if they don't match your energy. Simply shift your focus to others. I hope this helps. 

how 2 ask someone out

 so a new school year has started and u want to get a university bf/gf eh? Well read on for some tips on how to ask people out. 

keep in mind that i am generally not good at these types of things so take my advice with a grain of salt or maybe like a huge truck full of salt idk 

@ the girl reading this: THIS COULD BE US IF U LET ME CUDDLE WITH U

Tip 1: Prepare yourself for emotional devastation 

You have to prepare for the worst case scenario. Before asking someone out, you need to plan out self-care tactics and coping mechanisms in case you feel like shit after getting rejected. Let a close friend know that you're going to ask someone out, and talk to them immediately after to update them on how you feel. If you got rejected, go see a movie with your friend (one that you really want to see so that you have something to feel happy about and distract yourself from The Sad). Make a commitment to yourself to do something nice that day that actually makes you feel happy, like drawing or whatever your other hobbies may be. Meditate and do your long skin care routine and write in your journal. Bake cookies. Also, if your crush says no, make sure you have an exit strategy like "Okay well thanks for being honest with me. I have to go to my ___ class now. I'll see you later." Above anything, preparing for emotional devastation is the most important tip when it comes to asking someone out. 

Tip 2: Be specific about the date you have planned

Okay, so you've scheduled a yoga class to cope with the possibility of emotional devastation. Now you actually have to ask the person out. If you see the person regularly like in class or something, you could ask them in person. However, most people these days do this kind of thing over text. Here's kind of a tip within a tip: wait until both of you are in the right headspace. Before asking them out over text, just send a generic "how are you?" text. You should figure out if they're feeling alright and if they're not stressed about any pressing urgent matter. Make sure both of you are relaxed. Ask them if they are free on a particular day.  Then, briefly tell them about how much you like them (do not make this too romantic or poetic or they will get scared). Just say something like "I think you're a really cool and smart person *heart eyes emoji* I was wondering if you would like to go on a date with me on [insert day and time here] to get ice cream at [ice cream place] and then perhaps go for a walk around [insert nice park]. Of course, I'm fine with just staying friends too if you'd prefer that instead." 

The first and last part of that message along with the use of the heart eyes emoji was very deliberate. This is because it would be extremely sad if the person said yes but thought this was just supposed to be a platonic hangout and not a date. You want the person to know that you like them as more than a friend but you also don't want to scare them away by seeming obsessive. 

Also, it's best to keep first dates casual and low-pressure. This is why ice cream, bubble tea, coffee, desserts, etc. is a good idea as is walking around in a nice park. Movies are good too as long as you go to a cafe or something after to actually talk (if it's only seeing a movie then it's not a good idea as there is not enough interaction between you too). Also make sure you pick a movie that both you and your date will actually be interested in. You should have a good idea of your crush's interests when you ask them out. 

Fancier stuff like museums, art galleries, fancy restaurants, etc. are better for later on. 

Tip 3: Take mixed signals as a no 

People who are people-pleasers, or who straight up have bad communication skills, may not give you a clear yes or no answer when you tell them that you like them. This sucks even more than being rejected because it's just confusing. This could be a very unenthusiastic yes, like just responding with a one word "sure" to you asking them on a date. Later they may seem really awkward and unsure throughout the date. You should really ask them to be more direct and don't get your hopes up if this happens.

Anyways good luck and remember, there are plenty of fish in the seeeeaaaaa 

There are actually good reasons for why you should care about your mental and physical health

If you hate yourself, you may be wondering "why does my mental or physical health matter?" You may think you don't deserve happiness so there is no point in trying to feel happier or healthier. I hate myself too so I understand both of these thoughts.

But there are actually very good reasons for why you should care about your mental and physical health. The two biggest reasons are explained below. 

1. You will not be productive 

Yes I know that you should not base your self-worth on your productivity. But I also know it's impossible not to do so. If I'm not productive, I feel like shit. If I'm productive, I still feel like shit but I have less time to dwell on my shitty feelings. So I guess it is better to be productive. If you don't care about your mental health, you will keep on making it worse for yourself instead of looking for ways to make it marginally better. If you don't care about your physical health, you will end up not getting enough sleep or doing other things that are bad for your health and then you'll get sick. And guess what? If you're sick, you can't be productive. And then you will hate yourself even more. And I agree it shouldn't be like this, because people are valuable and deserve happiness and love no matter how productive they are. But we are our own harshest judges. And the harsh judges inside us will not let us hear the end of it if we aren't productive. 

2. You will end up unintentionally hurting people who are close to you 

No matter how much you think you love others and hate yourself, your self-hatred will eventually make you project that hatred onto others. Especially people who remind you of yourself. Or people who love you. This can be like "oh I hate myself so I assume they are going to hate me too so I am going to ghost them so they don't have to deal with me" and then the people who actually do care about you will feel hurt because you ghosted them and assumed they didn't care about you when they did. This is a small example. But there are other ways that you can actually project self-hatred onto other people. 

So it's okay to hate yourself (well not really, but for the sake of this argument lets pretend it is) but you shouldn't hate other people. And unfortunately if you hate yourself, you do usually end up projecting the hatred on other people even if you think you're a good person and you would never do this.