Historically Inaccurate Movies (a foaming run-on sentence rant)

Happy Indian Independence Day (or at least it was August 15th when I started writing this post. IDK when I will actually finish it though). Mexican independence day is coming up next month on September 16th, amirite? Ask me which country I like better ;D . 

Welp fam, speaking of India, an awesome new historical movie has been released recently called "Mohenjodaro", with the leading roles played by Hrithik Roshan and Pooja Hedge. I saw it recently and honestly, I think it was the best movie ever. I loved every second of it. Even though there were probably a few inaccuracies (like with all historical movies) it's still worth a watch (like with all historical movies) ;D . 

A gr8 activity for an aspiring historian is to watch a historical movie and then spot all the historical errors and write a rant about it on their blog for their 26 followers to read ;D .

This emoji is getting annoying, isn't it? ;D I have a Danish internet friend who uses it alllll the tiiimee ;D ;D ;D. Cancerous. 

Before we get into talking about the 10 out of 10 Bollywood movie "Mohenjodaro", let me rant for a bit about historically inaccurate movies.

ALL THE MOVIES I HAVE EVER SEEN RELATING TO INDIGENOUS PEOPLE WERE HISTORICALLY INACCURATE AF AND THAT MAKES ME CRINGE.

Below are my comments on several popular historical movies, so that you can see what I mean: 

The Road to El Dorado 

Here is a cute edit made by one of my Romanian internet friends:

Throwback to when I used to adore things like this

Now not only was this movie inaccurate, it was also pretty racist if you think about it. Making the good guys in the movie two Spaniards and the evil character in the movie a Mayan priest was a baaaddd iddeeaaa. Also the female Mayan character in the movie was promiscuous AF with the Spaniards. WHY TF WOULD YOU MAKE A CHARACTER LIKE THAT? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY? at least name her "Malinche" then eh? Welp it was about the Mayans not Aztecs though. Also in this movie the Mayans thought the Spaniards were gods. This is not even close to anything that happened IRL. There's a popular misconception that is being spread online about how the Aztecs thought Cortes was Quetzalcoatl, but this is BS. Many indigenous people were nice to the Europeans though because they wanted to them to GTFO but didn't want to be violent. Take the Iroquois teaching Jacques Cartier and the French a cure for scurvy for example or the Taino being hospitable to Columbus and his crew. But no one thought anyone was a god, k? I will however give this movie credit for showing how beautiful pre-colonial Mesoamerica was. The characters could've been waaay better done though. The animation and music was pretty good too. 

 

Pocahontas (the first one that everyone knows and the lesser known sequel, "journey to a new world")

Okay is it just me or is Disney racist AF? Actually the Mexica Movement would agree with me according to this article, so I must be right! 

There are two conflicting accounts of what happens here. The first is that Pocahontas was only 12 when she met John Smith, which would make him a rapist. She was taken to England where she got her freedom after marrying another guy named John Rolfe. The second account is that Smith never actually met Pocahontas and just made the entire story up in one of his journals. He was very well-traveled. Disney got that right with one of their quotes I guess, "I've seen hundreds of New Worlds". And so he frequently wrote tales about meeting exotic women and having affairs with them. Does that sound like a weird pass-time to you? It's no different from my fanfictions, really. 

Not to mention the fact that Pocahontas was a Powhatan native, and there were a few words of a different language when the natives were speaking (I heard that from somewhere but I'm not sure, 'cause I'm no expert on native languages, so we'll let that pass.)

Hey I hate racist movies just as much as the next person, but you have to admit Pocahontas was an awesome character.

I loveeeee herrrr haaaiiiirrr.

*trichophilia intentifies* 

Shall I do a blog post on the meaning of the word "trichophilia"? No?

The second movie was very lackluster, thanks to the fact it was in London and London sucks. Apparently, it did not suck as much back when it was called Londonium.

I did like Rolfe better than Smith though. 

did I like him better because of his hair? Yes...yes I did.

He was so so soooooo painfully Tsundere though!!

The Emperor's New Groove

Not gonna lie, this was probably the most hilarious movie I have ever seen. It also had a hot AF protagonist WHO WOULD BE SO CUTE WITH CHEL FROM THE ROAD TO EL DORADO. 

WHO DID THE SHOPPING IT'S SO AMAZINGGGG GAWD 

This movie was also the most historically inaccurate thing I've ever seen though. Absolutely laughable. But you know what? I don't think they were actually trying. 'Cause if they were actually trying then this would be reallyyy pathetic: 

I guess it is a movie "vaguely based on the Incas because it has llamas" and not actually "based on the Incas". 

I'll let it slide though eh. Kawasachum Tawantinsuyu though. 

If you thought that was the gay pride flag and not the flag of Cusco...

well then um...

why are you on this blog?

Apocalypto

My American internet friend has made a shit-ton of fanart for this movie. Like actually she is addicted to that movie. This is literally her desktop wallpaper:

She even admins a Deviantart group for the movie. Join it ya degener8 plebeians: 

http://apocalypto-fanclub.deviantart.com/ 

The reason why it has only 9 members? well because LOOK AT THAT, THE DEVIANTS ARE BETTER AT TELLING WHICH MOVIES ARE RACIST AND SHOULDN'T BE PROMOTED THAN YOU ARE.

OH MY GOD, OKAY JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE WORKED SO HARD ON RESEARCHING THE YUCATEC MAYAN LANGUAGE DOESN'T MEAN YOU GET A PASS ON EVERYTHING ELSE. NOOOPE.

THIS MOVIE IN GENERAL JUST MADE THE MAYANS LOOK LIKE BACKWARD SAVAGES WHEN NOTHING COULD BE FURTHER FROM THE TRUTH. 

aLSO IT WAS TRYING TO PORTRAY THEM AS JUNGLE TRIBESPEOPLE. 

you know how in modern times Mayan historic sites have been almost covered by jungle? WELL FUN FACT, THEY WEREN'T ALWAYS LIKE THEN WHEN PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVED THERE. The Mayans practiced slash and burn agriculture so there would definitely be less trees. Now it's not like imperialist christian expansionism either, as they still respected nature instead of thinking nature should be exploited and animals are soulless like christians believe.

Apocalytpo plz stop. Didn't El Vuh rant about this too in one of their raps? nice. Mexica tiahui, son of the sun, native sisters, and 500 tears are their best raps thouuughh.

Also the human sacrifice scene had an Aztec calendar instead of Mayan one.

The point I gave earlier about the language-not-giving-you-a-pass thing brings me to the most cringe-worthy movie I have ever seen. 

The Emperor's New Groove wins for most historically inaccurate movie, but this next movie wins for most CRINGE-WORTHY movie, because the ENG was at least hilarious and cute, this next movie was just shiiit.

Pathfinder

This movie proved that not only can white people never be trusted to direct a movie about indigenous history, they can also never be trusted to direct something about their own history. 

HOW COULD YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE ABOUT THE VIKINGS?

Pathfinder was about the Norse exploration of North America and how the Vikings encountered the Beothuk people. 

I'm not denying that the Norse made it here 500 years before Columbus, I know there's lots of proof of that. You can go to L'anse Aux Meadows in Newfoundland and see the ruins of Leifsbudir for yourself.

First of all the most popular misconception about the Vikings is that they have horned helmets. 

wwttff.

If you want to see exactly all the reasons why Pathfinder was inaccurate AF, you should read my blogpost on the Norse exploration of North America here. 

The Norse crew should've had more female characters! Lets not forget Freydis Ericsdottir, the half sister of Leif Ericson led an entire Vinland voyage! They weren't sexist... like the... you know... CHRiSTiANSss!!!

If anyone is interested in an actual, legit, accurate, GOOD FICTION STORY about the Norse exploration of North America, they should read "Eiriksdottir" by Joan Clark, which looks at it from a Viking perspective, and "The Dream Carvers", which looks at it from a coool Beothuk perspective.

Beothuk>Norsemen 

obviously 

but the Vikings weren't AS bad as PATHFINDER would have you believe. 

Dafuq is this lame shit? nice dragonhead mast on the longship in the background though!

I loooove learning about that particular part of history. It was what got me into the Vikings.

This next movie I'm going to talk about isn't related to indigenous people in any way but it's very famous and I just wanted to debunk some of its historical inaccuracies.

It's called 300! 

• This entire iconic "this is Sparta" scene with the messenger is dumb, because the Persian messengers were actually sent to Athens not Sparta.
• There is no evidence that the shepherd Ephialtes was a scarie nightmarish freak.
• Why TF were the Spartan soldiers half naked? where are the hawt shape-fitting breastplates forged from bronze?
• At least you quoted Herodotus.
• At least you translated "Thermopylae" correctly to mean hot springs.
• At least Leonidas was hawt eh
• Xerxes was also hawt eh
• all the Persiansss were hawt in this movie except for the freak ones
• Who was that Spartan soldier with the long hair? he was hawt too but looked way too Germanic or Anglo to be a Greek!

Now it is time to once more concern ourselves with the matters of the Subcontinent. The movie "Mohenjodaro" was obviously named after the greatest city of the Indus valley civilization. It was around the same time as Mesopotamia. In fact some believe it was an offshoot of the Sumerian civilization, which would make it one of the world's oldest civilizations. They've deciphered cuneiform though. Too bad they HAVEN'T deciphered the mysterious Sindhu script.

The cast of the movie was pretty diverse for a Bollywood movie. They had to get some Middle Eastern people to play the Sumerians. IT WAS THE BEST MOVIE EVER, SRSLY! UNTIL SOMEONE MAKES A GOOOD MOVIE ABOUT INDIGENOUS PEOPLE IT WILL ALWAYS REMAIN THE GR8EST MOVIE.

Here is the trailer:

Scarlet and blue macaws are native to the Americas!

WELL THIS IS EMBARRASSING.

The music of the movie was composed by A. R Rahman, so obviously it is good. 

Welp that's it. 
 watch mohenjodaro!!!

and watch hetalia:paint it white which is my second fave movie!

Aspen, my IRL friend who writes guestposts here, has suggested I watch spirit and brother bear, so i will do that. they are animated with indigenous characters!

My ex was a piece of shit because he likes german girls!

yeah that's it.

Byeeee fam. 

This is what happens when George picks out a Book for you to read

Oh wow. I haven't posted in like.... what? 2 months? 
Hopefully that little post from Misha was enough to keep you from unfollowing. 

I would've posted.... but school is extremely busy this year and I barely have time for anything now. 

Anyway, today we will talk about a book I read. This book was suggested to me by George who told me not to read it at school because it's basically a 'banned book'. 

Satanism is a religion too!! Satanists have killed way less people than Christians so why would you ban the Satanic Bible and not the Holy Bible? Sure, there are far less Satanists than Christians in the world but that's only because Christians would go around killing people back in the day if they didn't accept the Christian faith. 

The Satanic Bible only talks about Laveyist Satanism (there are other types of Satanism and just like with any other religion, its followers disagree sometimes on what to believe in.) 

Now, without further delay, here's my book review on The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor Lavey (the Great Szandor/The Black Pope).



 

No, this is not called a 'Satanic Star'. It's the symbol of Baphomet!!

               The Satanic Bible by Anton Szandor Lavey                     
I would recommend this book to everyone who is interested in New age, paganism, Wiccan beliefs, and superstitious stuff like that. Anton Szandor Lavey really did his research on many religions from around the world so if you're just generally interested in things like that you should read it. Just be warned that when it talks about religions other than Satanism and Christianity, it's not always accurate. Overall, it's good to read books like this because they can show you a different point of view. 

There were a lot of alarmingly true observations and concepts that Anton Lavey talked about in this book and you really have to read it to understand his ideas but I'll do my best to explain them. 

For example, Anton Lavey says that Satanism is not about 'evil'. It's not about killing people or being a horrible person to others. It is simply about respecting yourself, respecting others who deserve to be respected, and not feeling guilt. Guilt ruins a person's chance at happiness and Satanism is trying to get you as far away from feeling guilt as possible. According to Lavey, Christianity does a wonderful job at making its followers feel guilt. It makes you confess your sins and be kind to people who don't deserve kindness. Christianity tells you to turn the other cheek when you are slapped and to treat others the way you want to be treated while Satanism speaks about self-preservation. In other words, Satanism says that if someone is extremely cruel to you, you do NOT have to be nice to them. Christianity promotes extreme modesty white Satanism tells you to strengthen your ego and think highly of yourself and be proud of who you are. If you are not kind to yourself, if you do not love yourself and have a strong ego, then how can you be kind to anyone else and show them love and compassion? Christianity tells you to be guilty about every little wrong thing you may do and generally does not make you love yourself. 

Christianity says to treat others well regardless of how they treat you, but Satanism understands that not all love is good and not all hate is bad and realizes that self-love is important and not everyone deserves kindness.

Next, in the Holy Bible it says that God made mankind special and better than other animals. In the Satanic Bible, one of the 'nine Satanic statements' is this:

"Satan represents man as just another animal, sometimes better, more often worse than those who walk on all fours, who, because of his 'Divine spiritual and intellectual development' has become the most vicious animal of all!"

This tells us that animals are innocent. In fact, in Satanism it is forbidden to harm animals because they can't speak up for themselves and they are closer to nature with a better understanding of natural instincts. There are exceptions to this rule of not killing animals however. Because Satanism speaks of self-preservation, you can kill an animal if it's trying to kill you (which is rare) or if you are starving, you can kill an animal to eat. Satanism also says to never harm children because they are a lot like animals and little children see the world a lot like animals do before the people around them tell them how they should be and they grow up. 

Also, Satanism points out that a lot of Christians argue over what it means to be Christian. Do you really have to follow the Bible to be Christian? I know some people who haven't even read the Holy Bible and still call themselves Christian! Christians have changed a lot over time.  In fact, Lavey says that a lot of Christians who are beginning to promote loving yourself and indulgence over abstinence are actually Satanists without knowing it. Here is a quote from Anton Lavey himself:

"When a puppy reaches maturity it becomes a dog: when ice melts it is called water: when twelve months have been used up, we get a new calendar with the proper chronological name: when 'magic' becomes a scientific fact we refer to it as medicine, astronomy, etc. When one name is no longer appropriate for a given thing it is only logical to change it to a new one which better fits the subject. Why then do we not follow suit in the area of religion? Why continue to call a religion the same name when the tenets of that religion no longer fit the original one? Or, if the religion does preach the same things that it always has, but its followers practice nearly none of its teachings, why do they continue to call themselves by the name given to the followers of that religion?" ~ Anton Szandor Lavey, The Satanic Bible, pg 49-50, 1969. 

He talks about how some Christians aren't really Christians etc. One of the requirements for being a Satanist is that you HAVE to follow all the rules that the Satanic Bible says or not be a Satanist.  Not all of the Satanic Bible will appeal to everyone, but you may agree with some of the things that it says. Still, you can't be a Satanist unless you believe/agree with everything Lavey says in that book. 

Also, Lavey talks about how many Christians baptize their children when they are still young. This is not allowing your child to chose their religion. It's not letting them have the right to religious freedom. You shouldn't force your child to be Christian (or any other religion) when they are too young to understand what that even means. Satanism tells you to read up on many different religions and research them. If you decide you want to have a religion, you should compare many different religions before you pick one. Don't just pick one because other people tell you to or because you like it but haven't looked into other options. Satanism says, it's ok if you're not a Satanist. It's better to not be a Satanist than to call yourself a Satanist without following the Satanic Bible's rules. 

Some Christians even go so far as to say that Christianity is the 'one true faith' and that all other religions are false. How stupid is that? Especially if you are going to teach your kids that! Just tell your kids that if they want a religion, they have to KNOW about religions first and can't just chose a particular one without looking into others. 

See?! Satanism isn't all bad and Christianity isn't all good!!

Lastly, like all other religions, Satanism has some major flaws too. For example, Satanism promotes the killing of cruel people who have wronged you. In Satanism, you are not allowed to sacrifice children or animals, because they don't understand what is bad and what is good and they are innocent. But if an adult tries to kill you, by all means, show him no mercy and kill him (Satanism talking about self-preservation right there). Well, I guess its up to you to decide whether killing people for self-defence is ok or not. Would you rather get killed or kill the person who is trying to kill you? Satanism screams "KILL THE PERSON AS A SACRIFICE TO SATAN AND FOR SELF PRESERVATION...." 
(you can see why this is one of Satanism's many flaws.) 

Also, Satanism can be very superstitious just like Chrisitianity and a lot of other religions. There is a whole section in the Satanic bible taken up by spells, rituals, magic, etc. and don't even get me started on the '4 crown princes of hell' that they worship and the 'infernal names' of random gods they believe in. 

Satanism's two most sacred holidays are:
1. One's own birthday (this is teaching Satan's followers to love themselves)
2. All Hallow's Eve (Halloween) 
and the reason they love Halloween is very superstitious and strange and has something to do with spirits/ghosts or something?

In conclusion, all religions have something good about them and something bad but one does not simply insult one religion and defend another.... you don't do that.... that's not good. 

Christianity and Satanism both have a bad side and good side. 

If you are interested in finding out more about Satanism you should really check out the Satanic Bible by Anton Lavey along with his other books: The Satanic Rituals, The Satanic Witch, The Devil's Notebook and Satan Speaks.  

Too bad the Church of Satan hasn't made an epic Satanic boxed set with all of Anton Lavey's books in it. (Yes, the church of Satan exists. Check out their website if you want: http://www.churchofsatan.com/index.php 

Also, if you're interested in other branches of Satanism, check out this blog: http://enkiisacosmicheroe.blogspot.ca/

Well, that's all for today.


Bye, Everyone!!

Ave Satanas?!?!?!