I'm literally a casual fan of Nahuatl not an avid learner but inshallah I'll learn it once I improve my Ojibwe, Hindi, and French

 i am a casual fan rather than an avid learner of Nahuatl, however I find some of the random words i know very beautiful like "xochimiqui" or flowery death (xochitl=flower and miquiztli=death) for a human sacrifice. also when i am sad, or stressed, or angry, or generally doompilled i like to calm myself down by reading this verse by Nezahualcoyotl.

Annochipa tlalticpac. Zan achica ye nican. Ohuaye ohuaye. Tel ca chalchihuitl no xamani, no teocuitlatl in tlapani, no quetzalli poztequi. Yahui ohuaye. Anochipa tlalticpac zan achica ye nican. Ohuaya ohuaya.

Not forever on earth, only a brief time here! Even jades fracture; even gold ruptures, even quetzal plumes tear: Not forever on earth: only a brief time here! Ohuaya, ohuaya.

(the word for gold is "teocuitlatl" which means "excrement of the gods." teotl means "sacred" or "deity" and cuitlatl means "excrement.") I'll be able to understand these beautiful Nahuatl compound words one day and appreciate this kind of stuff without English translations.

Mexihkateokwikameh

Mexihkateokwikameh is an album by a Mexican folk music group called Tzotzollin, which does prehispanic music. It is my favourite album of all time. In fact, I have been listening to it for over a decade. I do not think a better album has ever been produced, nor do I think there is a more beautiful culture in the whole world! The title means "sacred songs of the Aztecs." It uses a slightly different Nahuatl spelling system than what I am used to.

Mexica = the name the Aztecs called themselves

Teotl = this word can mean either "god" or "sacred"

Cuicatl= song

I must say that I am not an expert in Nahuatl, the most beautiful language ever. But every word I do know is amazing.

Teocuitlatl = gold. Literally "excrement of the gods"

Xochimiqui = a human sacrifice. Literally "flowery death" from xochitl (flower) and miquiztli (death).

I love it so much! I love these maize-eating people!

Also I usually don't listen to albums. I listen to individual songs. I don't care for artists or albums because I don't think all of their songs are ever good, just some of them. But the exception is Tzotzollin. EVERY SONG BY THEM IS GOOD. And both of their albums are good, but Mexihkateokwikameh is the absolute greatest!!!!!! Mexica tiahui!!!!!!! 

The Mysterious Manuscripts of Snekcoatl

 I am making this post to share some unpublished poems I found in a manuscript by a previously undiscovered author. This reclusive genius once roamed a part of the earth that used to be a boring suburb in the fallen state of Canada. Their name was "Snekcoatl," which is a really weird name. This manuscript was unearthed near a high school in the suburb that has the same name as the suburb. We've found artifacts from that high school too, which has been abandoned for some 500 years since The Incident. There were plaques from the English department of the high school commemorating the genius Snekcoatl, who was apparently a prodigy. There was also apparently a rival writer named V*c. Apparently she had strong ties to Snekcoatl, though it is unclear whether the two were the best of friends or the worst of enemies. 

Some other manuscripts unearthed in Tkaranto, the city that was then known as Toronto, suggest that Snekcoatl and V*c spent a brief part of their lives there. They could have been academic rivals in the academy that once stood there, competing for influence. We have some obscure and threatening letters from V*c that were sent to Snekcoatl. It appears that there was also a building at the institution named after V*c. 

Snekcoatl did not get the recognition that they deserved during their lifetime. But perhaps some of these poems will help to shed some light about what life was like in "Canada" before The Fall. So I am sharing them because they could be useful to historians, and also because they do a fine job of capturing the feeling of yearning and languishing, which appear to be the two main themes. 

Poems of Yearning

Snekcoatl's handwriting, though childish and messy, was not impossible for me to transcribe. The only thing that was really annoying to me as transcriber was that Snekcoatl did not attempt to give their poems respectable titles. And so the first one is simply called "Poem I wrote for a Femboy who made me lose #NoSimpSeptember (it's so over for me)." From this we can guess that the poet was unlucky in love. This one appears to be insulting the sun as a symbol of masculinity.

 You must have been starving where you were,

as you hungered for beauty,

you turned to the ancient, the flowery, the romantic,

when they wanted you to see the light of reason and become a critic,

I never wanted the splendid sun,

that ball of light,

nor the urns decorated with images of heroes, warriors,

the bold speeches of leaders that conceal wicked deeds,

the bloody conquests,

I only longed for the pale moon,

She's like you in your black gowns like raven's wings,

with your love most chaotic and unreasonable

Now for the historians rather than the literary critics reading this, 

we can guess from the reference to urns that Greco-Roman aesthetics 

still had some impact on the country that the poet lived in even though 

it was a rather uncultured society. It was still a part of western civilization, after all. 

Or perhaps it represents the poet trying to grasp at some semblance of culture 

even though they lived in a rather cultureless void. 

This next one is titled "when will exam season end i can't take this shit any more."

 The diligence of a scholar, 

 alienated from the world, 

 has resulted in a row of glittering prizes, 

 on the shelf, 

 perhaps I'm doing it all, 

 to feel worthy of you, 

 but I'm losing the game, 

 consumed by my reading during the day, 

 every night is the same, 

 I return to your arms in my dreams, 

 no matter how hard I try, 

 to forget you when I'm awake, 

 how do I forget you at night? 

 My longing for you, 

 is an animal within me, 

 desiring to escape civilization, 

 and lose itself in your wilderness, 

 sheltered by you,

 my refuge from the world, 

 the others desire glory and fame, 

 but you make me want to forget my own name

The pathetic simping of this poem can alert us of the 

economic system of the poet's society 

and how it caused humans to worry about 

The Grind over human connection. 

This is what resulted in the speaker's 

feelings of isolation. However, 

Snekcoatl was in some ways ahead 

of their time. 

They realized the value of nature 

over The Grind and the dreary 

colonial cities that once existed here. 

Fortunately, under The New World Order, 

we've allowed nature to reclaim many such areas.

Poems of Languishing 

I would like to shift the focus now to poems of languishing. Although they contain less simping, they are still a bit depressing. And they can teach us a lot about the lives of immigrants, which Snekcoatl certainly was. And about the kind of culture they were part of. 

This one is called "Quetzalcoatl (devotional)." From the title, we can guess where Snekcoatl gets their pen name from. We don't know their real name, but the name Snekcoatl was certainly inspired by this Aztec deity. It also references a gathering for Indian Muslims, and so it gives us a huge clue about what Snekcoatl's culture was. The whole poem seems to reflect a desire to escape from the boring suburb where they lived, to seek love and refuge elsewhere.

Under your soft wings

Watched by your

Eyes full of love

With pupils like slits

Sheltered in your green plumes

And your endless mercy

I remember at the majilis

They said there is a world

Beautiful beyond imagination

But they must have been mistaken

About the pomegrantes and date trees

Because I am certain they must have meant

Your land of cloud forests and quagmires 

The next one references Norse mythology and is called "conversing with the Fates." The language used here certainly seems conversational, I suppose. And it is natural for one living in a world with harsh winters to turn to Norse myths for references. 

 Oh, if there be Fates spinning my destiny, 

Then we must all be at their mercy,

Sitting under Yggdrasil, those ladies,

must not know how to continue my story,

Fates! What is this?

You are cruel ladies,

and I will never understand your ways

If all you can dream up is so outrageous,

so inconsistent with the past,

How can the trajectory of my life end up like this?

I've never been more certain that there are no gods.

The last thing that I'm going to say about this poet is that they were probably young when they wrote these. I would say not far into adulthood. Their invocation of the Fates may be because their life was unfurling in a way that they never would have imagined in their childhood. And they were shocked and disappointed by this. 

I will be back if I discover more manuscripts by this author. 

4 Things that Lucoa and Quetzalcoatl have in Common

 Lucoa is a character from the anime Ms. Kobayashi's Dragon Maid. In this post, I'm going to explain how much she has in common with Quetzalcoatl (the Aztec god of the wind and wisdom).

1. They are both wise 

Lucoa is called upon for her wisdom in the show. Quetzalcoatl is the Aztec god of wisdom. 

2. They both have an embarassing and scandalous backstory

In Aztec mythology, Quetzalcoatl's brother Tezcatlipoca tricked him into drinking pulque which caused him to commit incest with his sister while he was intoxicated. Lucoa did something similar and lost her position as a goddess because of her shame, so she describes herself as an "ex-goddess" in the show. Quetzalcoatl either offed himself or exiled himself depending on the version of the myth. This story can be found in the codex Chimalpopoca and is associated with a human ruler of Tula named after the god, but for some reason the man and the god's stories are intertwined. It's complicated.

3. They spread civilization to humans, including knowledge of agriculture

In Aztec mythology, Quetzalcoatl defied the will of other gods by deciding to help humans. He introduced them to CORN, the best crop ever. This helped them build civilization. It's kind of like how Prometheus defied the gods in Greek mythology by introducing humans to fire. 

4. They are both associated with the planet Venus

Quetzalcoatl and his brother Xolotl are associated with the planet Venus. Lucoa is too, for some reason.

I'm only on episode 6 right now but if I spot more similarities, I'll let y'all know.

On Instagram I made a similar post as this except it just went into detail about the scandalous backstory. 

Aztec historical flash

Mexico- 1450 AD 

My mother's people belong to the desert. There are not a lot of people in our village. We live on what we hunt- deer, rabbits, and wild turkeys. Our priests chew peyote and recieve visions to guide us. The chief of our village is a generous man. He has a bobcat pelt draped around his shoulders.

My father's people further south who live in big cities call us the Chichimeca, which means "dog people." They think of us less civilized as them because we sometimes move with the seasons and don't stay in one place for long. We just have a different way of life as them. 

One day, my father announced that he was tired of the desert. "There's nothing to see here but sand and cacti. Coyotl, my son, you're a man now. You're 15 summers old. I think it's time to take you on a visit to my country." 

My younger siblings were jealous of me, as none of them had ever left the desert before. My mother was happy for me, saying it's important for young men to see the world. She gave my father a kiss, and soon I was on my way with him to his hometown: the great city of Tenochtitlan. 

We travelled by foot for most of the way. My father knew exactly what inns to stop at. He used to be a merchant a long time ago, so he had a lot of experience with travelling all over the region on business trips on behalf of Tenochtitlan. 

We made a pit stop in the Otomí lands. "They make the best octli here, son." He let me try some of the intoxicating drink because he said I was old enough to handle it. I winced at the taste. My father laughed and said there would be far better things to eat and drink in Tenochtitlan. 

When we got closer to our destination, we got on board a canoe. I nearly tipped it over in excitement when I saw Tenochtitlan on the horizon. 

It looked like a city for gods. A huge temple-pyramid was in the heart of the city, and it was the most massive thing I'd ever seen. It was constructed with such care and beauty. It seemed like a giant mountain to me with its summit above the clouds. 

When we got closer to the city, I could that there were thousands of canoes. Indeed, the most common way of getting around in Tenochtitlan was by canoe. The whole city was built on a lake, so there were more canals than streets. Hundreds of engineers were tasked with the job of keeping the buildings safe from floods. 

We rowed past the chinampas- gardens that floated on the lakewater. They grew crops there like maize and beans. 

Finally, my father took me to a splendid, bustling marketplace. It was full of everything you could imagine. I went up to a food stall and ordered a tamale- maize dough mixed with chillis and wrapped inside a corn husk. It tasted delicious. 

My father bought a bracelet made of shark teeth that was made by a coastal people I'd never heard of. "Your mother will love this," he said. 

I shuddered when I saw a stall that sold pelts from a fierce animal called a jaguar. They were from the hot Mayan lands in the south, full of jungles and powerful city-states. 

No one thought I was strange, even though I clearly looked foreign and I was not very good at speaking Nahuatl. They were used to getting travellers from all over the world. 

When it was time to leave the magnificent city, I was full of stories to tell my younger siblings. Tenochtitlan was an incredible place, but I was starting to miss them and my mom. 

"I've travelled far and wide," said my dad. "But there's no place like home."

I got an A+ on an essay I wrote about the Aztecs

Okay but like, what else were you expecting from me? Read it here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/15YOud8tSyQQIhe7VWwUuA6ReQS4krJ29V686D7EMCOY/edit?usp=sharing

Mexico's Philosopher King: Nezahualcóyotl of Texcoco

The following is my response to a Quora question that asked "which historical figure do you have a crush on?"

I think Nezahualcóyotl of Texcoco was really interesting. He was the emperor of the city-state of Texcoco (part of the Aztec empire). Under his rule, Texcoco was ushered into a Golden Age of art and literature. He called together an ensemble of philosophers, artists, musicians and other wise men who could develop their crafts in the court of Texcoco. He was the Philosopher King of Mexico. He even gathered materials for an impressive library, which didn’t survive the Spanish conquest. Don’t you just hate it when libraries don’t survive conquests?

People usually remember him for being a gifted engineer and architect. He created a dike which separated the fresh and brackish waters of Lake Texcoco, which I suppose is really important, but I don’t find it that interesting. What really fascinates me about him is his poetry. He wrote a lot about death and the inevitability of oblivion. Some of his poems still manage to be pretty and lighthearted, talking a lot about butterflies and quetzals and stuff. Here’s a sample:

He makes the Eagles and Ocelots dance with him!

Come to see the Huexotzinca:

On the dais of the Eagle he shouts out,

Loudly cries the Mexica.

The battlefield is the place: where one toasts the divine liquor in war,

where are stained red the divine eagles,

where the tigers howl,

where all kinds of precious stones rain from ornaments,

where wave headdresses rich with fine plumes,

where princes are smashed to bits.

There is nothing like death in war,

nothing like the flowery death

so precious to Him who gives life:

far off I see it: my heart yearns for it!

And they called it Teotihulcan

because it was the place

where the lords were buried.

Thus they said:

'When we die,

truly we die not,

because we will live, we will rise,

we will continue living, we will awaken

This will make us happy.'

Thus the dead one was directed,

when he died:

'Awaken, already the sky is rosy,

already dawn has come,

already sing the flame-coloured guans,

the fire-coloured swallows,

already the butterflies fly.'

Thus the old ones said

that who has died has become a god,

they said: 'He has been made a god there,

meaning 'He has died.'

Even jade is shattered,

Even gold is crushed,

Even quetzal plume are torn . . .

One does not live forever on this earth:

We endure only for an instant!

Will flowers be carried to the Kingdom of Death:

Is it true that we are going, we are going?

Where are we going, ay, where are we going?

Will we be dead there or will we live yet?

Does one exist again?

Perhaps we will live a second time?

Thy heart knows:

Just once do we live!.

Like a quetzal plume, a fragrant flower, 

friendship sparkles:

like heron plumes, it weaves itself into finery.

Our song is a bird calling out like a jingle:

how beautiful you make it sound!

Here, among flowers that enclose us,

among flowery boughs you are singing.

the earth is a grave and nothing escapes it, nothing is so perfect 

that it does not descend to its tomb. Rivers, rivulets, fountains and 

waters flow, but never return to their joyful beginnings; anxiously 

they hasten on the vast realms of the rain god. As they widen their 

banks, they also fashion the sad urn of their burial.

Filled are the bowels of the earth with pestilential dust once flesh and bone, 

once animate bodies of man who sat upon thrones, decided cases, presided in 

council, commanded armies, conquered provinces, possessed treasure, destroyed 

temples, exulted in their pride, majesty, fortune, praise and power. Vanished 

are these glories, just as the fearful smoke vanishes that belches forth from 

the infernal fires of Popocatepetl. Nothing recalls them but the written page.

-Nezahualcoyotl

Fun fact: He’s also on the 100 peso banknote in Mexico 

Aztec Mythology Pairing Suggestions

Here are my pairing suggestions for Aztec gods with gods from other mythologies. Feel free to add to the list or provide your input on some of these pairings.

- Quetzalcoatl x Jörmungandr/the Midgard Serpent from Norse mythology

- Quetzalcoatl x The Rainbow Serpent from Australian Aborigine mythology because they're both snakes just like in the Midgard Serpent pairing.

-Quetzalcoatl x Prometheus the Titan from Greek mythology because they both introduced their people to civilization and Prometheus gave them fire. Quetzalcoatl gave his people corn. 

- Tezcatlipoca x Seth from Egyptian mythology. They both have a really chaotic nature and both can be tricksters at times but also just straight up evil sometimes.

- Coyolxauhqui x Amaterasu from Shinto mythology. Yeah I know one's a moon goddess and one's a sun goddess but I think that makes them even cuter together. Also most of the other sun deities like Helios or Ra or whatever are male and I think it's better when it's gay. 

- Xolotl x Anubis from Egyptian mythology. It's a hairless doggo and a jackal omg.

- Xochiquetzal x Aphrodite/Venus. Really fricking obvious one. I put like zero effort or thought into this one.

- Mayahuel x Dionysus/Bacchus. Lmao the only straight couple on the list. But it's like tequila + wine so that's hot. 

- Coatlicue x Kali from Hindu mythology because they're literally both depicted wearing necklaces made of human skulls. They're both mother goddess figures but also have a wild and untamed sort of chaotic nature. 

Mexico Demands Apology from Spain for Conquest

Check out this article!
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-47701876?fbclid=IwAR0U7nyc72ogJXMAnmo1LXQjrwr7JetVcuR7ZBeIUKBZJ-UPr6_9v8VNTYQ

Relevant Meme Stash drop

Follow @aztecatl13 on Instagram for more :)

The Aztec Emperor's Axolotl: A Short Story

 Originally Posted on Medium's Creative Cafe Website

The axolotl never failed to amaze Ce. He would often converse with the strange salamander-like creature from the swamps of Mexico for hours at a time. As it swam around in its tank, it seemed to have the enlightened expression of a wise, ancient sage. Ce observed it as it swam among the new aquarium decorations he bought, which were miniature Mexican pyramids.

“Do you like your new aquarium decorations, Cipactli? The one you’re investigating right now is supposed to look like the pyramid of Cholula. It has the greatest volume of any pyramid in the world” Ce told the creature.

The axolotl turned from its inspection of the ruin to face Ce. It seemed to give an enigmatic smile.

Ce sighed. “It’s really sad how the Spaniards built a church on top of it. Maybe I can get rid of the church when I’m crowned as huey tlatoani of All the Land Between the Waters today. Or maybe I should keep it as a holocaust museum to inform outsiders of what happened to our people. What do you think, Cipactli?”

Of course, the axolotl had no way of answering. The red fringes around its face fluttered as a guest made his way into Ce’s room.

“Ce! There you are! Stop talking to that creature and get ready. You’ll be late for the coronation ceremony. People are coming from all over the Land of the Eagle and the Land of the Condor.”

It was the silver-haired elder, Amoxtli. In his arms, the short man clutched several pages that had been folded up accordion style as well as vials of black and red ink to document the details of the upcoming event.

“This indolence can not be tolerated of an emperor! You know that, Ce.”

“I’ll be there in a second, Amoxtli. I just have to feed Cipactli an earthworm.” Ce said. As he opened the can of worms, the axolotl seemed to sense that it was feeding time. It joyfully darted to the surface.

Ce donned a majestic azure cloak with a crimson trim before he departed. It was decorated in parrot feathers and swept the ground. It matched the colour of his long, embroidered loincloth. He had a look at himself in his obsidian mirror and was pleased to see that his jade earrings looked magnificent. His colourful finery stood out on his cacao-coloured skin, and his long, glossy black hair was embellished with a turquoise pin in the shape of a two-headed serpent.

“Alright, I definitely look regal enough” he decided before setting out for the throne room of the palace of New Tenochtitlan, formerly Mexico City.

Amoxtli was already there, addressing an eclectic crowd made up of various indigenous groups. Even at his ancient age, he remained a charismatic orator.

“My people, we will rise again like a phoenix reborn from ashes! Our centuries of oppression under a foreign regime have come to an end. Emperor Ce will work tirelessly to restore order as he rules over All the Land between the Waters, the two subcontinents of the Western Hemisphere!”

A grand applause rose up from the crowd. Delegates had traveled from every corner of the land expecting Ce to extinguish their worries and to usher them into a Golden Age. They represented the various indigenous people of Ce’s dominion, from tiny nomadic tribes like the Guna people from the Amazon rainforest to the descendents of empires and nation-states such as the Aztecs, Mayans, Incas, and the mound-building cultures from along the Mississippi River. Everyone hoped their leader would bring them glory and spearhead the nation to the zenith of its influence. Ce could see all these expectations plainly on the faces of the diverse crowd. Everyone wore the same serious countenance, for although they all held the same unabashed adoration for Amoxtli the Elder, they let Ce know that even though he had been chosen he had yet to prove himself.

Ce twitched nervously on the dais as he stood in front of his people. He felt butterflies in his stomach like the restless souls of his dead warrior ancestors. He began to present his carefully rehearsed speech.

“My people,” he began his address, “allow me to elaborate on the greatness of our ancient civilizations and how far we’ve come since then. Our ancestors built great cities, like Tenochtitlan with all its canals and causeways, pyramids, palaces, and observatories. It was an island city in the middle of a glistening, blue lake and was the inspiration for this new city we are standing in right now, New Tenochtitlan.” It was the usual theme of many public speeches in the land, and no one in the room was surprised by it. Indeed, they had all heard similar descriptions so many times before that it wasn’t very hard for them to imagine the ancient cities he spoke of. “Or like Qosqo, a city built high in the Andes mountains, laid out in the shape of a crouching Mountain Lion and filled with gold-encrusted temples and palaces with jeweled walls. It had fine fortresses with impressive stonework and green terraces for farming and herding woolly llamas and alpacas.”

He scanned the crowd for reactions and noticed that a high-cheek boned, queen-like woman from Qosqo smiled proudly. Her piercing obsidian eyes were bright and fierce. Ce observed that she wore a necklace with a chakana pendant. It was an ancient Inca symbol and everyone know that she was the descendant of a powerful people. She carried the rainbow banner of Qosqo and looked like some kind of goddess-like apparition.

Ce could hear cheers rise up all around the hall, including from the woman who had caught his eye. Everyone drank in the flowery words of the glorious, eloquent speech. The Elder Amoxtli looked up from his writing and smiled. It was time for him to present Ce with a headdress of quetzal plumes. Great elation stirred in the room.

Some of the last delegates that had arrived from the furthest regions of the empire now started to settle in. They brought their heraldry with them. Ce caught a glimpse of the purple flag of the Iroquois confederacy. Some of the very last people to arrive were from Nunavut, carrying flags baring its red inuksuk symbol. It was part of the Inuit’s vast Arctic homeland, the northernmost part of the new nation. Ce heard the stomping of large boots and knew it meant that the Aónikenk people had arrived from their even colder homelands in Patagonia, near in proximity to Antarctica. They were greeted warmly by the Inuit.

“I see some more people have arrived. Welcome, brothers and sisters!”

The Inuit and Patagonian groups were the last ones to arrive since they had to come to Ce’s capital of New Tenochtitlan from so far away, but their presence was of great symbolic importance, showing that the new confederacy of indigenous nations was united from north to south, from the Land of the Eagle to the Land of the Condor.

The Elder finally crowned Ce with the feathered headdress. Ce felt powerful knowing that the feathers towered above him and made him look tall and formidable. He was handed a golden chalice by Amoxtli. It had been carved with a design of two birds, the mighty eagle of the North and the condor of the South, the emblem of the new nation.

“When you indulge in the luxurious chocolate elixir that I have had handed you in that chalice and then proceed to sit on your extravagant throne, don’t be fooled. Beware! It will seem like the most comfortable chair in the world at first, but it is really a seat of pain. You were chosen by the people because they thought you would be strong enough to endure struggle throughout your reign.” The Elder declared.

Ce drank deeply from the golden chalice, taking care not to spill a drop of the frothy chocolate drink. It was sweet at first, but the aftertaste was bitter. Then Ce felt a burning sensation in his mouth, because it just wouldn’t be complete without added chilies and allspice. Every ingredient had been a metaphor, of course. Ce had to be careful not to let the childish thrill of being huey tlatoani consume him, just like he couldn’t expect the chocolate drink to be sugary and sweet throughout.

He could become corrupted with his power, and his subjects could end up feeling bitter towards him. Even though the Land of the Eagle and Condor had survived many hardships, it still had many dangerous and powerful enemies all over the world, but mostly in Europa and even some within its own borders.

Ce could never be sure of making it through the next day alive, as someone could easily slip poison into his food, as unexpected as chilies in a chocolate drink. It had happened to Tizoc, an ancient ruler of the old Tenochtitlan, so perhaps it could someday happen to a ruler of the new. His people would have no use for a dead huey tlatoani.

Ce’s paranoid thoughts were interrupted by the Elder declaring that a feast would commence in honor of the coronation. It was the most lavish and beautiful feast that you ever would have seen, and it was a miracle that such a young nation was able to provide so much food to its citizens. Almost every dish had used one of the Three Sisters or a healthy ancient grain like quinoa. There were smoked tamales and stuffed turkeys, slabs of pemmican with fresh Saskatoon berries, Navajo tacos on loaves of fry bread, pozole soup served in gourd bowls, duck nuggets, wild rice, and rabbit stew.

For dessert, the Inuit had brought something they called ice cream, or akutaq. They offered it to the huey tlatoani.

“I’m sorry but I don’t think I can have that. I’m lactose intolerant.” Ce said.

“Do not worry, Revered Speaker,” an old Inuk said, with wrinkly skin much paler than Ce’s. He had long, straight hair the colour of dark chocolate, and laugh lines around his small, brown eyes with epicanthal folds that had evolved to guard against the cold, icy wind of his homeland. Ce recognized him as the man who had brought in the red inuksuk banner of Nunavut, and learned that he was named Atka after the midnight sun.

“Our akutaq just has caribou fat, cloudberries, seal oil and some tundra greens, all mixed in with snows from our Arctic homeland. None of it contains the white man’s dairy products.” He chuckled.

Ce smiled and tried some of the strange concoction, knowing that it would be rude if he didn’t and he didn’t have his lactose intolerance an excuse anymore.

As the feast progressed, Ce took some more time to make speeches.

“All of you have democratically elected delegates to represent you. These delegates will travel back to their sub-nations once the festivities that have commenced my reign have ended. I believe this system shall work to make sure all of the diverse cultures of this land are represented in some form or another. ”

Ce Tepuzmachiyopilcac ended up being the only one who dared to try the Inuit ice cream that night, along with the Inuit themselves and their new friends the Aónikenk of Patagonia, who thought the dish was a genius invention and wondered if penguin fat would work just as well as caribou.

The dessert for everyone else was squash smoothies with chia seeds, maple syrup candies, and of course liquid chocolate. Oceans of it.

“As our beloved elder has suggested, I’m also going to appoint two people who will help me rule and keep my power in check. One of these viziers will be from the Land of the Eagle, while the other will be from the Land of the Condor. But don’t worry, this won’t be some kind of dictatorial triumvirate.”

“Anything’s better than the white man’s way” Atka grumbled.

“You all have the right to rebel, for it is not the people who must fear their emperor but the emperor who must fear his people.”

And so the feasting and merriment continued throughout the evening, signalling the dawning of a new age for the people of All the Land between the Waters. In time Ce would learn that the revolution had been the easy part.

The Pan-Indigenous Time Travel Bucket List

If you’re a fellow history enthusiast and your friends are always reminding you that time travel isn’t possible, ditch them. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.

Every day, you’re bombarded with news about morally corrupt politicians that leaves you feeling cynical as you lament the fall of glorious rulers from long ago. You groan at the latest degenerate pop culture trends and return to your books to avoid being consumed by your terrifying thoughts about the human condition. As you read, you start longing to live among the people of your favourite culture or epoch. Their way of life captivates you and you even feel certain that you would rock their fashion style if only you were of their world. Your friends and family members view you as unsocial and eccentric, wondering why you impose so many contemplative hours of solitude upon yourself. All they ever do is criticize your flaws and brush aside your accomplishments, much like society does to the historical figures of your favourite time period.

Trust me, I understand. To cheer you up, I’ve compiled a list of travel destinations along with the eras it would be most ideal to visit them with a time machine if you ever happen to have one in your possession. These societies were all established by the indigenous people of the Americas. You may be familiar with some of the more popular places on this list, although I’ve intentionally tried to highlight some lesser known gems. I highly recommend enjoying the remainder of this article with some hot chocolate, as it was invented by the Aztecs. 

1: Haida Gwaii

Let’s start up north and work our way south, as only seems logical for a sightseeing list covering destinations across the Americas. 

Right off the coast of British Columbia lies the archipelago of Haida Gwaii, meaning “islands of the people”. The region is also known as Queen Charlotte Islands to those who somehow think that’s a better name. Among the beautiful temperate rainforests you will find century-old totem poles, which depict animals and bare family crests such as eagles, ravens, bears and salmons. The ruins of a once prosperous trading village built by the Haida people, called Ninstints, can also be seen. It is guarded by twenty six totem poles and contains cedar longhouses. Long ago the Haida used to go whale hunting and fishing in their giant seafaring canoes. I recommend finishing off your tour of Haida Gwaii before 1774, right before the first European contact.

2: Cahokia

Reaching the zenith of its influence some time between 1050 and 1350 CE, the city of Cahokia near present day St. Louis, Missouri is known for its mounds. These vast earthen structures were built as burial chambers for magnificent rulers. The largest one, Monk’s Mound, stands thirty metres high. In addition to having 120 mounds, Cahokia also once boasted an astronomical observatory nicknamed ‘woodhenge’ and a defensive palisade. It was the cultural and economic centre of the Mississippian culture. It’s hard to miss, being the largest Native American settlement north of Mexico.

3: Teotihuacan

Very few mysteries in archaeology are as alluring as Mexico’s Teotihuacan. Built around 100 BCE, it was completely abandoned and in ruins when the Aztecs absorbed it into their empire in the late 1300s, so to this day no one knows who built it. It contains many impressive pyramids and plazas and was also probably the first site at which the Mesoamerican plumed serpent deity was worshipped. Known to the Aztecs as Quetzalcoatl and the Mayans as Kukulkan or Gukumatz, it was a god of wind, wisdom and learning who was said to have introduced civilization to the Aztecs. I suppose you could say Quetzalcoatl was like the Mesoamerican Prometheus.

4: Caral

Just like any good list blogger should, it’s looks like I’ve saved the best for last. Located in the Supe Valley of Peru, the city of Caral was built in 2600 BCE, which meant that it was flourishing around the same time as Mesopotamia was. As you can tell by its age, it was an astonishing discovery as it pushed back the limits of the history of the Americas to a much earlier time than previously thought. Among its ruins, many recording devices known as quipus were discovered. These were also used by a lot of later Andean cultures such as the Incas, who could tie knots on the quipus. It is entirely possible that this culture could have been really advanced in mathematics and even have a concept of zero.

As your journey comes to an end, be prepared for the overwhelming feeling of wanderlust. It is sort of like homesickness except it involves a yearning for distant places and a desire to explore other cultures. I’ve felt it many times before. If you didn’t understand the allure of the ancient Americas before, perhaps now you are closer to realizing what the hype is all about.