That time this blog got mentioned by a kiwi meme expert

This is kinda old news now, but I wanted to acknowledge a very based meme researcher from new zealand who cited one of my blog posts. It's an honour to be cited by him. Check out this awesome conference presentation on the history of memes! At 9:34, he talks about the historical alliteration meme war and cites this post I made: https://freyathefrypan.blogspot.com/2015/04/please-read-very-important-historical.html Okay I know I was cringe back then but I was literally 14 years old!!! So don't judge me for being cringe online. Also, I am very glad that post turned out to be historically significant. To this day, it remains the most viewed post on this blog.

"The Layers of Irony Model: How a metameme spread across academia and subcultures". 2024-03-17.

Seong-Young Her, University of Canterbury, New Zealand.

Presented at the University of Bucharest for the 2024 Philosophy of Memes Conference.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x46pRjzzMak&t=591s

Centipede Season 2025 in southern ontario has officially begun! Get out your essential oils now!

 Okay so like sorry that this is one of the topics I am weirdly hyperfixated on but once I start thinking about centipedes, I can't stop. Specifically the North American house centipede. I don't understand why they gotta be like that.

For those of you who don't know, March to September every year is Centipede Season in southern Ontario (the peak times are really July and August though). This is when you might see centipedes in your basement and bathroom as they enjoy damp places. They are nocturnal. And they eat other bugs and sometimes other centipedes (okay I know y'all are going to be like "nah that's cap." Listen, I'm no entomologist, but I'm pretty sure that Leggy Boys eat each other. Just trust me on this. Don't worry about my citations.) You should dispose of a centipede's corpse if you kill one or another one will come to eat it soon. They have a strong sense of smell, so bowls of vinegar or essential oils may scare them off. They run very fast and it is terrifying. They are usually black, sometimes orange. They have too many legs. 

They are basically demons from the deepest pits of hell. However, I kinda feel bad for saying that. Every insect has a role to play in the ecosystem. Deleting one would affect everything else. Perhaps it is concerning that our society has normalized insectophobia so much. Leggy Boys have feelings too. And I know I called them demons but if we're being real, when God sings with his creations a centipede will be part of the choir. But I never claimed to be perfect, morally speaking. And I would rather die than be friends with one of them. I basically hate centipedes as if they killed my firstborn son and I have a duty to avenge him. I know this is irrational, but it doesn't stop me. 

Anyway, centipedes do not actually have a hundred legs. In French they are called les milles-pattes (1000 paws). They are called either khankajoora or chalisapad in Hindi. Chalisapad means forty legs. In Anishinaabemowin/Ojibwe, they are simply called "kaadi-mnidoosh" (leg-bug). Or if you are both an Ojibwe language learner and an insect rights activist, you could use more inclusive language and say kaadi-mnidoons, with a diminutive rather than pejorative ending. My Ojibwe language teacher told me something about the word mnidoons that blew my mind so I made a Reddit post about it in r/Ojibwemodaa which you can read here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Ojibwemodaa/comments/1fkzgbb/manidoonsag_bugs/ Yes, it really does mean "little spirit." 

Okay I have one more Ojibwe-related thing to tell you guys before we start focusing on Leggy Boys again. I made this meme in Ojibwe and it says "when the centipede on the wall starts running fast."

Okay back to talking about Leggy Boys. Where was I? Oh yes, about their number of legs. It's not 100. How many are there then? Well idk, count them yourself!! Because I'm definitely not doing it. 

The main thing about centipedes that bothers me however is the fact that they are in my house. I saw a Leggy Boy yesterday with my own eyes and he was huge. He was in my hallway. I don't understand why a creature like that needs to be in my house. Bro looks like he's native to the Amazon rainforest, but he's literally in a Canadian suburb. Why??!?!?!? He should be hanging out with those spiders that get big enough to eat birds, not with me. He would have more in common with them. 

I simply could not have imagined that such a being could exist until I saw one myself. 

Do you guys think I should just get over myself and make peace with the Leggy Boys? Idk, let me know your thoughts. 

The horseshoe theory of the simp and nonchalanter

 Okay I know the title of this post makes me sound completely bonkers, but hear me out. You know how some people who are politically centrist talk about the horseshoe theory? Basically, according to some centrists, far left and far right extremism are indistinguishable because of how they are both totalitarian. Now despite what many people believe about me, I am not a political person. They just think caring about the environment and Indigenous rights makes me "woke" and left wing when that makes no sense. Like lmao sorry that I don't want to pay the elites to breathe air. But sure it's "woke" to realize that human existence depends on the earth. 

Anyway, this post is not about politics at all. I just wanted to use the term "horseshoe theory" to analyze the modern dating scene, particularly two types of people who I will refer to Simps and Nonchalanters. I am sure these terms are self-explanatory. People who study psychology might use terms from Attachment Theory to understand these people, like anxious attachment and dismissive avoidant or whatever. But as a very wise and enlightened person, I think Attachment Theory is fake and dumb. Also I think psychology is not a real science and that therapists are untrustworthy. Imagine thinking aNxiOus aTtachMent or whatever has any more credibility than astrology. Also, women are always over-labelled with anxious attachment because of sexism. Oh you expect your partner to communicate regularly and clearly with you? you must have anxious attachment I guess!!! At least astrology is cool and aesthetic and so I can tolerate it even though I do not believe it is real. 

So I believe that if you Simp hard enough, it horseshoes into being a Nonchalanter. We view Simps and Nonchalanters as the opposite of each other. But how different are they, really? You see, Simps are prone to love-bombing. Here is what dating looks like for a Simp:

1. They meet a person

2. The person does the bare minimum for them

3. The Simp starts to lose sleep and their dignity as they do everything in their power to try to win over the person and be seen as worthy in their eyes

4. The person thinks the Simp is moving too fast. Has the Simp even really tried to understand them? Why does the Simp want commitment after only knowing them for like a month? The Person might have started liking the Simp if the Simp would just be themselves instead of having 0 personality other than trying to appeal to the object of their desires. 

5. The Simp pushes everyone away by being like this and concludes that they would be better off alone. They become doompilled, and then they turn into their most hated enemy: The Nonchalanter. 

Now, you simps need to understand that the person I have described as the object of your desires is NOT a Nonchalanter. They are just a regular person. They know how to feel love, but it builds up slowly over time for them and only for someone who reciprocates and would be a healthy longterm partner for them. They might yearn sometimes, but in a dainty and sophisticated way. You yearn like a wolverine. 

You are not unworthy. You're underestimating how much your natural looks, intelligence and personality appeal to people. You think they will only like you if you worship the ground they walk on but that is not true. That will actually have the opposite result. But do not take this to the extreme and think that you have to become a Nonchalanter. 

Life is about finding a healthy balance!!!! And you will need to unlearn black and white thinking. 

Here is what dating looks like for a Nonchalanter:

1. They avoid human contact to begin with because they are so scared of being hurt, rejected or abandoned by people. Or they may be very ambitious and hard on themselves to achieve a certain goal, and believe other people will get in the way of their success. 

2. No man is an island, and eventually a Nonchalanter will start chalanting a little when they have a social interaction one time in like a year. 

3. The person they chalanted for softly "rejects" them. They could literally just have been too busy. Or going through something. Or interested in someone else. It's not about YOU. Even the hottest rizziest person you know has like a 75% chance of being rejected because timing/chance/luck just isn't on the side of a lot of people. 

OR

The person actually likes them back and then the Nonchalanter gets scared and ghosts because it was such an unexpected outcome for them. 

4. Either way, the Nonchalanter concludes that Society is Evil 

Nonchalanters and Simps both crave connection, yet push people away. They are more similar to each other than they are to normal people. They are two sides of the same coin!

Anyway, my advice for you to start chalanting without simping, if that is at all possible. However, you should also be patient with yourself. I realized that this post sounds very harsh and critical. Realistically, you won't break out of the vicious Simp-Nonchalanter cycle in one day. It takes years of self-awareness and self-improvement. And try to respect and love yourself the whole way!!

Also, I think short periods of being a Nonchalanter can actually be pretty beneficial. But I warn against making it your whole lifestyle or identity! Same with being a Simp. This is why I'm a huge advocate for No Simp September. That's when you spend a whole month being a Nonchalanter on your sigma grindset to avoid other people's interference in your goals. But it only lasts one month, that's important. 

I did want to give y'all some unrelated life updates before I conclude this post. But they're all Ojibwe-related lmaoo. Indani-gikendaan ji-anishinaabemoyaan (I'm learning the Ojibwe language). I recently acquired a book of Ojibwe legends, a book about the war of 1812 and an Oji-Cree syllabic bible. Updates to follow once I do some studymaxxing with these materials. 

Edgy anti-school poem I found when I was going through the poetry I wrote in high school

So I was looking back on the poetry I wrote in high school (as someone who cringes even at things I wrote only a month ago, this was like self-inflicted psychological torture). However, I was trying to find out about what my thoughts and feelings were like back then due to some personal reasons that I will not mention here. It's like when I re-read my old diaries for "historical information" about a past situation I dealt with, so that I can learn something from it to apply to a similar situation in the present. I do historical research on myself... on my own lore... which is crazy. 

Anyway, one the most based things I found was this poem I wrote when I was in grade 12. It was about how much I hated school. It was just called "school." I'm posting this in case based school abolitionists may take some inspiration from it. 

Every day, in this stifling room I must sit,

wasting away, yet knowing my life depends on it,

the room is a prison, and the air baneful,

my knowledge of the subject at hand, abysmal,

it passes over me,

and in my sleep-deprived state,

I make countless mistakes on a test on which my future is staked

and even when the bell pierces through the numbness of my mind

I am not free,

for then I must return to my dreary home to show them the number they anxiously await,

the number, my score,

because all I ever will be is a number, nothing more

I'll read deep into the night until the words are seared into my soul,

until my eyes are bloodshot and the words no longer register in my brain,

and every day I'll wake up to do it all again

I wanna give the seventeen year-old version of myself a hug cause she was going through a rough time lmao. This was literally so edgy, but so real. You can leave a comment on the original on DeviantArt if you wish. I posted this poem back in 2018: https://www.deviantart.com/aztecatl13/art/School-767309965 

By the way fam, my fren (lets be honest he's more of a Special Fren if u know what I mean ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)) recently sent me an anti-school manifesto that he found that was incredibly based. My other fren also thought this article was based. I do not know who wrote it, however it was very interesting. And I think I might post my own anti-school manifesto on this blog soon. But I don't know if I will take a softer approach (school reform rather than school abolition). The person who wrote the article was very in favour of school abolition though. He thinks reformists are cowards who just wish their favourite subject was taught in a better way. 

I think this person could benefit from some reading on the history of British patterned education systems or the colonial imposition of foreign school systems in other countries. They would only find massive amounts of historical evidence to support their claims. Furthermore, a study of school-free historical and cultural societies could help with developing a modern school-free society. 

Stay tuned for Snekcoatl's anti-school manifesto!! 

experimental poem (kinda cringe)

Okay, so I would say I was partly inspired to write this by Sir Philip Sidney's "Astrophil and Stella," but that really overhypes this and will make you have very high expectations for it. However, this is meant to be a poem about someone getting absolutely devastated by love. And it can either be read as 13 short poems or one long poem. This is an experimental form. Also, an intercultural romance theme is explored here. A possible title for this piece could be "rey de mi corazon." Enjoy!

rey de mi corazón (experimental)

i. 

I was not a pretty sight to look at when

the tears wouldn’t stop falling and

I cursed my fate every day,

hair thinning, heart breaking, starving myself,

As once again, someone I who I thought I would have forever, left,

But you loved me even when I felt hopeless,

I didn’t know it then, 

Back when I owned no elegant dresses,

My neck and hands were never bejeweled,

No one heaped praises upon me as they do now on

my onyx eyes and the way my hair glistens

or the verses I write and the things my hands create,

But you wanted me when 

there was nothing worthy of your gaze

Or your listening,

My grief was so great

that it silenced me,

And knocked the paintbrush out of my hands

The dreams out of my mind

ii.

You see me smile more now,

But I’m still empty,

You think I have depth but,

I’m only like an endless chasm

to be filled with your voice, your love,

I’ve always been hollow 

but the promise of your touch

could heal the wound of my heart

that you saw agape yet never flinched from 

iii. 

You came upon me so suddenly,

If things had been just a little different,

With the Fates trying a new pattern in their knitting,

We would never have met,

It was like you wandered into the woods without a map,

And found me as I wept by a stream,

So the sound of it trickling down the rocks could conceal 

the sound of my sniffling,

I hoped my tears would merge with the rain,

But instead of fleeing from this dark being of woe,

You embraced me

Under the cloud that thundered above my head

iv. 

Now, rey de mi corazón, come rest your head upon my lap,

As I stroke your hair and tell you the tale of a warrior and maiden,

Who you say could have been just like us,

She

Could not pass through the village

Without wishing to escape the gaze of

Men who were more like cockroaches

In the taverns,

Who beheld her 

Reddened lips

Her black hair shining 

From being washed with fermented rice milk,

Under her porcelain mask

There once was a face

Less perfect

But less bitter,

And she thought remaining invisible

Would have been preferable to this

And he? 

What of the warrior, you ask, no, you beg,

Well, he could hardly move under the weight of his armour,

Or was it his sorrow?

Sometimes he thought it would have been better 

To have been ridiculed as a weakling

Than to have turned into this thing

That causes vain, silly girls to giggle at his approach,

Mesmerized by the glint of his sword,

Expecting to hear tales of his feats,

But they’re disappointed 

When it turns out

He never sharpened his storytelling skills,

And there’s no way for him to tell them that

He feels as though he sold his own soul,

They both would have wept at the perfect line of verse, would have painted landscapes and arranged flowers, would have read the chronicles of the empire not to celebrate the conquests but to lament what was lost,

They,

Happened to pass by the same pond one day,

Though most days are the same for them,

And there is hardly a relief from

Their loneliness

That being surrounded by admirers never cured,

But the lotuses looked lovely,

The heron’s feathers demanded careful thought,

About what colour to use for them in a painting,

There warrior and maiden glimpsed each other,

For the very first time,

Annoyed that the other had interrupted their solitude, 

They continued on their way

When you begin to protest this ending,

It will be the perfect time to kiss you, 

Satisfied that I’ve moved someone who pretends to be flint-hearted,

I’ll hold you and be amazed

That someone who trains to kill by day

Could have such lovely, youthful innocence on his face at night,

Wrapped in beauty like a delicate flower,

Who Venus herself would have lost her wits over

When you hug me back even tighter, I’ll know

Cupid’s arrows pierced through the armor of a son of Mars

v. 

The Christian scholar honours

The philosophy of Greek pagans

As the Sufi mystic

Considers the writings of brahmins worthwhile

There is more respect between

Different civilizations

Than king and queen of the same domain

More understanding between those

Who speak different tongues

Than the sun and moon

Could ever have for each other 

vi. 

Why don’t you have a seat in the kitchen, meri jaan?

As I knead the dough for the chapatis,

I’ll spellbind you with

Tales I’ve heard of the bloodthirsty gods of your ancestors

and the blue-skinned ones of mine,

Would you forgive me for idolatry, mi amor?

You must know I’m just as moved as you are by

That most praiseworthy woman,

the virgin whose womb brought forth

the one who created the stars,

But I would still burn in a fire for you,

I would still be a sacrifice unto you 

vii. 

I don’t want the sun and moon,

You bring no flowers,

Write no sonnets,

Strum no guitars,

But your love’s more steadfast than

Any artist who may try to deceive me,

I could never be ensnared by their glittering lies

As they drain the life out of memorized verse

Your love’s not birdlike but quiet,

It needs no declarations,

Yet to them, love’s a grand word,

Their favourite trope,

From stories they’ve read of Tristan and Iseult,

Pressing rosebuds between the pages,

It’s true they do not lack knowledge of the Middle Ages,

But they’ll never have an ounce of your courage

Until they understand this,

They’ll always appear silly 

When they attempt to embody chivalry

Your love’s like fossilized shells 

or dragonflies in amber,

Not like the delicate petals

That will wilt someday

Your warmth endures

While their promises wash away

viii. 

How many times have I dreamed of running away?

Assimilating into a foreign culture, forgetting the past, bathing in Lethe or perhaps

Slithering away in the form of a snake, I’ve always wished I could just shed this skin,

submerging myself as an alligator in a swamp,

Nevermind, you make me forget my own name

And I could always disappear into you 

I want you with an appetite that scares me

How have you made me unleash 

A feral, primeval, reptilian longing

That this thing we call civilization 

Can never contain?

ix. 

God has blessed your country with the southwestern desert, the most mesmerizing place on earth,

I do not understand how someone can look at it and say

We need to test nuclear bombs here and we need

The hideousness of paramilitary forces

To desecrate Nature’s harmony

Can the lone saguaro cactus against the sun

With its lifespan of two centuries

Ever forget these crimes?

See how everything in nature is interconnected.

I thought I beheld a Vishnu temple,

Look how Nature carved an Oriental pagoda herself on a rocky elevation!

This land is just as romantic as the East

And in your bloodline there is

Fasting shaman chewing peyote, austere friar carrying books, jaguar warrior wearing a plumed helmet, intrepid conquistador with a lust for gold,

No, I was not born here but

Descriptions of Paradise had reached my ears,

And I no longer doubt they were real

x. 

I want your love to be like one of those hardy perennials, 

so be careful about which plant you get for me

The golden barrel cactus may be the best,

I want a cactus, not flowers

Were you to get me one I would

Protect it as fiercely as if it were

My firstborn son, Cedric IV

But I know that it would need me even less than you would

I remember buying a cactus once

From a Home Depot somewhere in a dreary Canadian suburb

And I could not believe my eyes when

A tiny lizard emerged from the soil of that pot

Where was she taken from?

She ran off outside somewhere,

The only one of her kind in this land,

Perhaps she was crushed to death, 

perhaps she shriveled up

In the cold with a broken heart,

I could hardly comprehend

The awfulness of her fate

xi.

I gather flowers for him 

though he does not seem to appreciate their beauty

or know of their meaning

The poinsettia, the Adonis flower,

The Pendant Amaranth, which he does not know

Was once called “my-love-lieth-a-bleeding”

for it looks like the blood bursting out of

a sacrificial heart

like what gushes out of 

a cacao pod when it’s crushed

But how can I not bring him these things

While I’m here on earth?

As long as I live 

I’ll replace the flowers every time they wilt,

I’d toil in a garden for my love if only

I could be rewarded by glimpses of him 

xii.

Ever since I’ve lived here, I’ve always had to hear Canadians bemoan and bewail

The lack of a proper springtime in our country, the fact that there is no season of love

No rebirth and renewal, only the grey slush from the melting snowbanks 

a return to the general dreariness of suburban life, nothing to celebrate

surviving the harsh winter that tested the faith of black-robed missionaries 

Weakened by starvation and scurvy as they feared dying unloved in this hostile land

Yes, Pan the satyr would never see reason to dance here as he did in Arcadia,

Your heart’s like the barren trees here so you’d fit right in while mine’s like

 the desert sunrises that you don’t realize you’ve been so lucky to have been bedazzled by 

The ones that are the same colours as the petals of blanket flowers, I’m sure you remember

Seeing them many times, so how is it that I, winter-hardened as I am, can be more like

The refreshing cactus fruit, the flute song over windswept sand, than you are?

xiii.

Sometimes when your strong arms encircle me,

I still feel lonely,

Like that time when my friends turned away

From me, a being of flesh and blood and soul,

To admire an artist’s portrait of a woman

Cold and flat and drawn on a wall

Your hands are on me but your mind is elsewhere

And if you’ve never felt a desire to protect me, it’s because

You were always meant to invade my heart 

What an ill-equipped fortress it was!

This birb is literally me

 This is the bleeding heart dove. it lives in the Philippines. its literally me ;w;

I do not have much to tell u guys about this birb other than I find it relatable. That is all. bye. 

Is the grinch a liberal or a conservative?

Okay guys don't cook me for being late with this post. I know that the holiday season has passed and that would have been a better time for grinchposting. But I can't stop thinking about him (the grinch). He literally lives rent-free in my head, and I think it is time to talk about him. 

(Here is my artistic rendition of a girl with the grinch and a wooly mammoth in the background!!!!!!!!!!!)

So as y'all probably know, the grinch is a dr. seuss character. He's in the movie "how the grinch stole christmas." Also, in winter 2024-2025, it is now more important than ever to talk about him. This is because he is very trendy right now, and there are complex socioeconomic reasons for this! 

You see, the grinch movie and grinch toys/grinch merch are usually marketed towards very young children. But now this is changing. Grinch merch is now very popular among teenagers and young adults. As a person in my early twenties, I understand the reasons for this. The holiday season is no longer cheerful for people. It was once a time when people would spend time together with their families. However, we are now facing a loneliness epidemic. Some people call this the "male loneliness epidemic." But this is inaccurate because it does not exclusively affect men. All genders and age groups are affected by it. 

People now have fewer friends on average than previous generations did as well as less contact with their family. People are now on their sigma grindset 24/7 in order to succeed in their education or career. Or sometimes it is even just to make ends meet with a min wage job. All this grinding leaves them with no time to spend on building meaningful relationships with people, which is important for stress reduction and other mental health reasons. Having fulfilling relationships extends your lifespan!! 

If you have no friends, it's like smoking 192 cigarettes a day. I made up that number, but you get the idea.

Yes, it is true that some people need less socialization than others and enjoy their solitude. But there are others who crave connection and are unable to find it in the modern age. All this brings me to Mr. Grinch. No matter how hard he copes, we can all tell that he craves human connection. The reason why he can't connect to people is because the Whos were very cruel to him during his childhood. They bullied and ostracized him. Now he has a fear of vulnerability and of connecting to others.

You may also be wondering about the grinch's political views. I will get to that in a second. First, have some knee surgery memes. 

Okay, so I was discussing this issue with a fren who is very smart and has studied politics. I asked him if he thinks the grinch is a liberal or a conservative. He said he thinks the grinch is a conservative. His justification was that the grinch is a misanthrope, and borderline an INCEL. Or, if you are following my attempts to learn the Ojibwe language, he is like gwiingwa'aage (the wolverine) in that one story retold by Basil Johnston where he is ungrateful for the gifts that Gichi-Manitou (the Creator) has bestowed upon him so he gets cursed to wander the earth alone and be shunned by other creatures. You can read more about the Wolverine Mindset in this post I wrote: https://freyathefrypan.blogspot.com/2024/12/wolverines-are-most-relatable-animal.html

However, even tho i respect my fren and i think he is a big-brained individual, I disagree that The Grinch is a conservative. I think my fren is being biased because he's a lib. He is doing a very surface-level reading of the Grinch and he is not being generous to this character. Furthermore, the Grinch is NOT an incel!!! If you've actually seen the movie, a beautiful woman has a huge crush on him for basically her entire life. 

I think it would be more accurate to say that the Grinch is scared of people, not that he hates them. He's scared because he was bullied by them as a child. Furthermore, he goes against tradition. He literally tries to steal Christmas. So how can he be a conservative if he defies tradition? And his reasons for opposing the tradition is not just to spite the Whos. It's because he believes Christmas is unethical and excludes people. It excluded him. Also, he thinks Christmas is bad for the environment. If you recall, all the presents that the Whos get end up as garbage. They are disposed eventually, because the Whos are a consumerist society and they don't care about how this affects the environment. All the trash is collected by the grinch and reused/recycled. Most conservatives do not even think climate change is real or that is possible to harm the environment. So how can the grinch be a conservative???

Also, he's not a sadistic character. He has empathy. Sure, he kind of needs his dog to remind him to be nice to people. But he doesnt ignore his dog. And he saved a little girl's life!!

I personally blame the Grinch's society more than the Grinch for his conditions. Also, he turns out to be a good guy in the end and he is forgiven. 

This is all I have to say on this for now. This says a lot about society. What do you think?

Also, shoutout to the fren who gave me a grinch-themed box of skincare products for christmas. This proves my point about grinch stuff now being marketed to young adults instead of children because young adults find him more relatable now than they used to because of cultural and economic reasons.

I'm literally a casual fan of Nahuatl not an avid learner but inshallah I'll learn it once I improve my Ojibwe, Hindi, and French

 i am a casual fan rather than an avid learner of Nahuatl, however I find some of the random words i know very beautiful like "xochimiqui" or flowery death (xochitl=flower and miquiztli=death) for a human sacrifice. also when i am sad, or stressed, or angry, or generally doompilled i like to calm myself down by reading this verse by Nezahualcoyotl.

Annochipa tlalticpac. Zan achica ye nican. Ohuaye ohuaye. Tel ca chalchihuitl no xamani, no teocuitlatl in tlapani, no quetzalli poztequi. Yahui ohuaye. Anochipa tlalticpac zan achica ye nican. Ohuaya ohuaya.

Not forever on earth, only a brief time here! Even jades fracture; even gold ruptures, even quetzal plumes tear: Not forever on earth: only a brief time here! Ohuaya, ohuaya.

(the word for gold is "teocuitlatl" which means "excrement of the gods." teotl means "sacred" or "deity" and cuitlatl means "excrement.") I'll be able to understand these beautiful Nahuatl compound words one day and appreciate this kind of stuff without English translations.

Wolverines are the most relatable animal!

I'm going through a Wolverine Phase right now. Basically, I just think wolverines are super relatable. They are insatiable and they are always looking for food because of their fast metabolism they’re always hungry. And their genus and species are both “gulo” because it means glutton in Latin. People with BPD have chronic feelings of emptiness and are prone to binge eating and substance abuse so that’s why it’s a relatable creature. I have long suspected that I have BPD.

Also, I read a story about the wolverine in the book "Ojibway Heritage" by Basil Johnston. Basically, the wolverine was not happy with the attributes that Gichi-Manitou (the Creator) had given him. He wanted the gifts of other animals. He envied their speed, strength, size, etc. Gichi-Manitou punished him for his ingratitude. This is why the wolverine is a solitary animal now. No other animal wants to be around it. The Creator cursed the wolverine with loneliness. I really like Basil Johnston's retellings of Ojibwe stories. I have read his other books "The Manitous" and "Moose Meat and Wild Rice" as well. I am going to read the book "Ojibway Ceremonies" soon, which my Discord e-boy bought for me. Basil Johnston also writes in Anishinaabemowin (the Ojibwe language), which I am trying to learn. Once I "get good," I should be able to read his Ojibwe language books too. 

By the way, the word for wolverine is gwiingwa'aage in Ojibwe. I really want to know what this word means (in most Ojibwe words you can break them down into morphemes to find out what a word really means). For example, one of my teachers mentioned that the morphemes that make up "ajidamoo," the word for "squirrel," can be found in the words "ajidagoojin" (animate intransitive verb) which means "he or she hangs upside down" and in "amo" (transitive animate verb) which is "he or she eats an animate being" so ajidamoo may refer to one who eats while hanging upside down. Can gwiingwa'aage be broken down into something? I will probably ask one of my teachers. Stay tuned to find out what they say. 

I hope that poets of all languages will make use of the wolverine more as a symbol of being bonkers and unhinged, as it has great potential as a symbol. 

That's all for now. Thanks for reading.

what does "gikinawaabiwin" mean?

Hello frens. The title of this post includes the word "gikinawaabiwin," which means "learning by seeing" (as a noun) in Ojibwe. This is the title I came up with for a poem I wrote recently. I won't share the whole poem, only the first few stanzas here. If you guys remember my post on knowledge acquisition, it's basically a poetic version of the themes I discussed in it. Here is the post I'm referring to: https://freyathefrypan.blogspot.com/2024/09/when-you-want-to-acquire-more-knowledge.html

Here are the first three stanzas of my poem :) and honestly, since the rest of the stanzas suck I think I'm just going to leave it at this and say this is the final version:

I met disciples in an ashram on the edge of the jungle 

who said they sought moksha and spent their days 

fasting, praying, meditating, 

But in twenty-five years of abnegation 

they still had not received a vision, 

Their souls had not been liberated 

and they seemed to live in fear of the world. 

I met black-robed scholars who thought that Knowledge 

was something one could conquer, 

It was what they sought to master, 

They thought Nature’s secrets could be wrested from her 

that Wisdom would visit them during their candle-lit study in their stone towers, 

But She never came 

And they did not feel the Sun’s warmth in a year. 

In Mikinaakominis, Knowledge surrounded me 

in a land where the branches of evergreen trees 

looked like peacock feathers to me when I first beheld them, 

In Anishinaabewaki, the land is a teacher 

if one is willing to learn by seeing.

--

I am quite happy with this, especially with the second stanza which I consider to be a banger. 

When you want to acquire more knowledge

This is really random but I find it interesting how attitudes toward knowledge acquisition vary across cultures. You have scientists from Renaissance Europe saying things like "poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master" (Leonardo da Vinci) and "science had to torture nature's secrets out of her" (Francis Bacon). The first one sounds pretty based and epic and motivated me throughout my masters degree if I'm going to be honest. The second one sounds very extractive, like it is making the earth submit to your will and curiosity. 

"Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master" is very different from something that my mom would always quote to me in Hindi. This was गुरु गोविन्द दोऊ खड़े काको लागूं पायं। बलिहारी गुरु आपने जिन गोविन्द दियो बताय | The speaker of this line is wondering if he should touch the feet of Govind first (a name of the god Krishna) or his guru's (his teacher). Touching someone's feet is a sign of respect in Indian culture. He touches his teacher's feet because he was the one who told him about the god. The teacher is above the god here.

Also I have been reading about Anishinaabe culture and they believe learning can not happen without humility. There is no such thing as an "expert" on anything because we all have so much to learn, and this rejects the European concept that we can have mastery over something. We also can not learn without experiencing the world, interacting with nature and maintaining our holistic well-being. This is different from the European idea of a scholar who stays inside and reads all day and never touches grass. Native people touch more grass than Europeans do. There is also a retelling of a traditional story by Leanne Betasamosake Simpson where she says that the Anishinaabe learned about maple syrup (ninaatigo-ziiwaamigide in Anishinaabemowin I think, idk I am still learning it and I will never master it) from a child and that child learned it from observing a chipmunk. It really shows humility if you believe you can learn something from a child and from nature!! 

Anyway I think someone smarter than me should write about pedagogical approaches in different cultures. Also, the British patterned education is probably terrible for learning outcomes and the well-being of students. 

Platonic love is wild

It’s wild how pure and wholesome platonic love is while also having a chaotic and passionate side to it. Like the way you admire your friend is so innocent but the ties of loyalty make you fierce when it comes to defending them. Also, we tend to view our friends as beautiful. They are much more beautiful to us than anyone we have had romantic interest in, but not in a way that makes us physically attracted to them. It just makes us admire them and want to protect them. Also the best part about platonic love is that it doesn’t hurt, it feels secure. Sure there is a chance you may lose the friendship, but you don’t dread losing the friendship every day. You just enjoy it in the present instead of worrying about the future. It doesn’t make you live in fear. Also if the friendship does come to an end, it’s a bit easier to move on than a heartbreak. At least if the reasons were communicated clearly. Also unlike romantic love where the best part about the other person are the thoughts and fantasies you have about them, the best part about platonic love is when you actually spend time with them right in front of you, not in your mind! Also I feel like all love causes pain, not because all love is toxic and unhealthy but because the intensity of the feeling causes pain (like something intensely pleasurable also feels kinda painful just cause of how intense it is you know. Like reading a beautiful poem or seeing a painting so gorgeous it brings you to tears). But with platonic love, the intense painful/pleasurable moments occur when you’re actually with them and they do something cute or wholesome for you or they say something cool and based. Or when you feel a surge of protective feelings for them. With romantic love, the pain is more constant and you just can’t shake it off so it becomes a permanent state of suffering. Well at least this is all true for me, idk about y’all. 

How low self-esteem affects social interactions

 This is how it works. You have low self-esteem, so you think that means you're inherently unworthy. You think you are inferior to whoever you are trying to be friends with, so you try to make up for it by acting extremely devoted and self-sacrificing for them. You idolize them and don't realize that this prevents a genuine connection from forming. When the person starts pulling away, you think it's because you're not cool or smart enough (even though the person probably did think you were cool to begin with, that's why they were hanging out with you). You may not realize the issue was with how you were making them uncomfortable by expressing affection in an inappropriate way. 

Some ways to fix this issue in your social life are the following (I suggest combining all 3 methods):

1. Tone down extreme displays of affection

2. Find people who have a higher tolerance level for extreme displays of affection and befriend them instead of people who find them off-putting

3. Work on your self-esteem so you don't feel the need to act so devoted to others without their reciprocity 

This advice can apply to both love and friendship. When it comes to love, you should also try to remember that love isn't just an experience you have in your mind alone. It needs to involve two people who are willing to build a relationship together. If you tend to spend years in limerence or one-sided love (as many people with low self-esteem do) then you need to remind yourself that real love is possible and it will feel even better. Not to get all NSFW, but limerence is only related to love as much as masturbation is related to sex. Reality is actually better than fantasy, but if you use fantasy to cope with your mental health issues then it can be hard to see that.

Now, you may be thinking "Okay, so now I know why it's important to work on my self-esteem. But how do I do that?" My other post on a simple life hack you can use to try developing self-esteem may help you. Here's the link to it if you want to check it out: https://freyathefrypan.blogspot.com/2024/08/life-hack-for-developing-self-esteem.html

I hope this helps!!

Life Hack for Developing Self-Esteem

One of the reasons why it's important to develop healthy self-esteem is because it helps you connect better with other people. Basically, you won't see others as being better than you. So you'll learn to express your affection for them in a way that doesn't seem like you're worshipping them (this would also be annoying or uncomfortable for a lot of people!) You will be able to call them out when they make mistakes as well. 

A lot of people may lose interest in being friends with you if you express affection in a way that feels stifling to them. This doesn't mean that they don't think you're cool or interesting, but they may feel overwhelmed by you. You need to remember you're inherently worthy. Your worth isn't based on your productivity, "coolness," etc. If you are simply existing without harming anyone, you deserve a certain level of respect and consideration. You certainly do not need to act self-sacrificing for anyone in order to get them to like you. 

So now that we've been over why it's important to have a healthy self-esteem, here's my life hack for how you do it:

You need to change your internal narrative to be less negative by talking to yourself the way you would to a close friend. A close friend who you have a healthy, stable, mutually beneficial relationship with. Or alternatively, talk to yourself the way they talk to you and try to internalize their voice. The negative voice you have in your head right now possibly reflects the voice of people who bullied, abused, neglected you or hurt you in some other way.

Some things that my close frens do for me:

-Shower me with love and affection even when I have not done anything for them that directly benefits them 

-Call out harmful behaviors and actions in a way that criticizes the action itself, not me as a person. They don't judge to the conclusion that I'm a horrible person!!

-Encourage me to stay motivated and focused 

-Celebrate small and big wins

So I can internalize these things by talking nicely to myself in my head but also calling myself out and being real with myself when I'm doing something sus.

This will overall lead to a more positive and less doompilled narrative.

This hack is very effective. However the limitation is that you do need to have friends in order for this to work. Good friends who you feel connected to. Because self-love doesn't occur in a vacuum and you kind of do need to know what it's like to be treated well by friends who love you so that you can treat yourself that way. I don't know how you'd be able to do it the other way around, so it's important not to shut yourself out from making friends.

However, if you are having trouble making friends to begin with, I will probably write another post on that soon. It can be tricky because you need to learn when a friendship isn't working and you might need to cut that person off, but also when you might be catastrophizing a fixable issue and you shouldn't sabotage the friendship by ending it without assessing the situation properly. But more on that later. For now, I hope you'll consider what I said about the life hack. 

I started playing Habitica again + Mental health update

 So I made a list of mental health rules to follow for the rest of the summer. I'll reiterate them in this post:

1. No irl venting

2. No ventposting online

3. Go outside at least once a day

4. Go further from home at least once a week

5. No contacting the forbidden person on forbidden days

I'm doing okay with these so far. I did vent a little bit to my parents and regretted it. I'll avoid that from now on. Also I went to the mall with my friend and I didn't really vent to her, but I did tell her about a problem I was having and she said some comforting words that really helped. And she was being really calm and level-headed about it, so she didn't suggest that I needed to take any extreme course of action to make myself feel better about it. So I think what I said to her was not truly venting, so I won't consider that a violation of the rules. If it actually makes both me and the other person feel better after talking about it, it's probably not venting. 

About the no ventposting rule... I've been good with it but I noticed I still interact with other people's ventposts online. It's better not to engage with these. And I really think there should be a sixth "no doomscrolling" rule. But it's easier to remember 5 rules than 6. 

I've mostly been good with going outside. I didn't do that yesterday though. A five minute walk outside counts, but I didn't do that. 

The mall trip with my friend counted as #4. However, in the original post about the rules, which you can read here: https://freyathefrypan.blogspot.com/2024/06/mental-health-tips-i-will-follow-for.html I said that these trips that are a further distance away from home must be done alone. Before going to the mall that day, I did go to the library and get a bunch of relevant books for my research though. And I looked through them while waiting for my friend. So I think I spent a sufficient amount of time away from home while being alone.

And then we come to Rule 5. I thought this one would be the hardest, but it has actually been really easy so far. The Forbidden Person is forbidden only on weekends. I can still yap to them on other days. And I have known this person long enough to understand their texting style, so their texting does not feel unpredictable or cause me anxiety on other days. 

Anyway, to help me out with following these rules I've started playing Habitica again. I recommend the app on your phone but right now I'm just using the desktop site habitica.com and it's great. Basically, you tell the app what healthy habits you are trying to cultivate and what you are trying to stop. You can also add a to-do list and "dailies" (these are tasks you have to do every day, like going outside at least once for me. Or doing my Duolingo Spanish lesson). You will be rewarded by in-game currency which you can spend on fancy accessories for your character and also on creatures. You can feed the creatures and they can grow into mounts for your character to ride on. It's pretty based. I would recommend it.

I literally used to use Habitica in high school to motivate me to do my homework and now I have returned to it as someone who lowkey has a masters degree but still doesn't have their life together lmao. 

Anyway, I'll keep you updated on how this goes for me.